The Enlightened Redneck » Redneck Humor

Posted on 05.25.09 by Danny Glover @ 8:56 pm

Five or 10 minutes outside any U.S. or Canadian city — that’s all the farther you need to travel to find the rednecks who are “the backbone of society,” according to comedian Jeff Foxworthy, who was born in Georgia and knows a thing or two about rednecks.

Here’s what Foxworthy told the Calgary Herald in Canada:

“I’d go to New York and they’d say ‘Aww, Foxworthy, you’re nothing but a redneck from Georgia with the boots and the jeans, the pickup trucks. … You’re just not cutting edge.’

“But when you get five or 10 minutes outside of any city in the U. S. or Canada, people are the same. They’re not hip. They’re not on the cutting edge. They get up and they go to work or school or church. They’re kind of the backbone of society. And with me, instead of somebody laughing at them, I was laughing with them.”

That’s the difference between real folks like Foxworthy who appreciate the everyman and judgmental people like, say, reality television flop Stephen Fowler and Manic Mother.

Redneck Fire Alarm

Posted on 05.24.09 by Danny Glover @ 4:29 pm

Filed under: Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor
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Drivin’ In Redneck Style

Posted on 05.05.09 by Danny Glover @ 8:10 pm

I love my new car, a silver Toyota Corolla with the sports package — sunroof, alloy wheels and more. I call it my mid-life-crisis car on a budget.

But every redneck knows that a car is just a set of wheels to get you where you’re goin’. That’s why some of us ain’t ashamed to ride around in homemade getups like these:

Filed under: Culture and Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor and Video
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Redneck Prom

Posted on 05.03.09 by Danny Glover @ 12:40 pm

Filed under: Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor and Video
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Be Proud Of Your Redneckedness

Posted on 05.03.09 by Danny Glover @ 8:23 am

Sonny Garrett, the editorial-page editor of The Baxter Bulletin in the redneck heartland of Arkansas, has noticed the redneck movement and likes what he sees:

I’m not sure what’s prompted this turn of events, but rednecks across the nation are standing up to be counted. … Actually, the rednecks of America appear to be taking notes from other groups which have felt belittled, discriminated against and generally treated as second-class citizens. …

I think as long as there are independent, hard-working, hospitable and honorable people with good values there always will be rednecks [link added by me], God bless ‘em. If you think you fit the description, if you enjoy life and good times, you might be a redneck. So be proud of yourself.

Amen to that. And amen to Garrett’s commentary about the Country Music Television show “My Big Redneck Wedding.”

I’ve never mentioned the show on this site, with good reason. It embraces the mean-spirited, media-generated stereotypes of rednecks as hard-drinking embarrassments to humanity, and it mocks the fun-loving nature of rednecks, who know how to have a good time in the mud.

“[T]he show’s tone makes me wonder if the folks featured are in on the joke being made of them, or don’t realize they’re being made fun of,” Garrett wrote. “It’s an interesting and occasionally funny show, but sometimes I can’t help but feel a little sorry for the folks because of all the remarks made at their expense.”

The show comes across as if it were written by Stephen Fowler, the much-maligned (and deservedly so) biggest loser of “Wife Swap,” rather than Jeff Foxworthy, who knows how to laugh with rednecks rather than at them while looking down his nose.

So-called entertainment like “My Big Redneck Wedding” pervert the true spirit of the redneck. But don’t let that deter you from being all the redneck you can be.

Filed under: Culture and Entertainment and Hatin' On Rednecks and Media and People and Redneck Humor and Rednecks
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Redneck Loan

Posted on 05.02.09 by Danny Glover @ 1:11 pm

This joke, which has been making the rounds online again lately, proves that we rednecks ain’t as dumb as city folks like to think we are:

A redneck from North Carolina walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Bakersfield on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12 percent interest.

Later, the bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s private underground garage and parked it. Two weeks later, the redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.

The loan officer said, ‘Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The good old Tar Heel boy replied, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Filed under: Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor
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‘Oh, I’m In Love With Chick-Fil-A’

Posted on 04.28.09 by Danny Glover @ 7:54 pm

I had a Chick-fil-A sandwich and some nuggets at the conservative bloggers’ briefing in Washington today. Chick-fil-A is standard fare at the weekly Heritage Foundation event and a favorite in the Glover household. Today’s lunch reminded me of this skit by my favorite “clean” comedian, Tim Hawkins:

Filed under: Food and Just For Laughs and People and Redneck Humor and Video
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West Virginia: The Wireless Pioneer

Posted on 04.26.09 by Danny Glover @ 2:54 pm

My Dad forwarded this joke to me a while back and I forgot to post it. I don’t have an original source for the joke, but if someone claims it, I’ll gladly credit him or her:

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of a copper-wire system dating back 100 years, and they came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the Los Angeles Times newspaper read: “California archaeologists have found traces of a 200-year-old copper-wire system and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the New Yorkers.”

One week later, The Redneck Rebel Gazette in West Virginia reported the following: “After digging as deep as 30 feet in a corn field, Bubba Ray Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, West Virginia had already gone wireless.”

Filed under: Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor and Technology and West Virginia
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Redneck Lamentations

Posted on 04.20.09 by Danny Glover @ 8:12 pm

How do you cope with grief and bad times if you’re a redneck man? Whatever you do, don’t confide in other redneck men because they’ll just tease you about being a sissy.

Here’s a helpful guide for those days of “Redneck Lamentations“:

Stage 1: “It Ain’t Happening”
Stage 2: “I’m Going To Burn Someone’s House Down”
Stage 3: “Put Another Quarter in the Jukebox”
Step 4: “Put Your Head in a Vise”
Stage 5: “Blame Someone Else”

Read the article in the Shreveport Times, the home newspaper of this enlightened redneck’s wife, for the details.

Filed under: Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor
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Foxworthy In The Redneck Heartland

Posted on 04.19.09 by Danny Glover @ 10:54 pm

Jeff Foxworthy, the king of rednecks, performed a couple of shows today in the capital of the redneck kingdom — my home state of West Virginia. The Charleston Gazette has the report:

In 80 minutes Foxworthy worked through what could only be the tip of the iceberg of his near endless supply of tales and tidbits about regular folks, who may or may not be rednecks. The subject, of course, made Foxworthy famous.

The whole “you might be a redneck” line is his personal calling card and the merchandise derived from it probably generates more money than most county governments in this state, but it’s only a catchphrase attached to the larger idea of what Foxworthy is about: everyday people.

That last line is key. Rednecks are everyday people. Foxworthy gets it, and that’s why he has made a small fortune laughing with his kind rather than at them, as bigoted elitists do.

“Foxworthy doesn’t blame. He doesn’t point fingers. He just shrugs. Yeah, he might be a redneck, but you probably are, too.”

Filed under: Culture and People and Redneck Humor and West Virginia
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Redneck Power Window

Posted on 04.15.09 by Danny Glover @ 6:10 pm

Filed under: Redneck Humor and Video
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Shotgun Golf

Posted on 04.14.09 by Danny Glover @ 8:59 pm

This is a practical video joke for one of those hidden-camera shows, but the producers are onto something. I see great potential for a new sport that combines the driving range and the shooting range. It’s the evolution of skeet shooting.

Filed under: Hunting & Guns and Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor and Sports and Video
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The Redneck Roundup

Posted on 04.05.09 by Danny Glover @ 9:43 pm

Man, I missed the Redneck Roundup on Saturday down in Florida. Maybe I’ll have to plan one of those for our neck of Virginia one day:

At the end of a dirt road on a pasture owned by the Dignam family of Englewood, the Lemon Bay Sunrise Rotary unleashed its first-ever Redneck Roundup Saturday, inspired, according to co-chair Jon Cole, by popular corn hole toss tournaments sweeping the nation.

“It’s the latest rage at trailer parks, and from it, the roundup evolved,” Cole said. “We made up some of our own games too.”

In addition to corn hole and mullet toss, games included a turkey shoot, tractor-tire bowling and cow-chip bingo. Each game had its own merits, all for a good cause — raising money for scholarships and local charities.

The story also mentioned redneck horseshoes with toilet seats. I love it! The roundup just goes to show that enlightened rednecks know how to have good, clean (and dirty) fun.

Filed under: Culture and Redneck Humor and Rednecks and Sports
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Redneck 911 Call

Posted on 03.10.09 by Danny Glover @ 6:57 pm

I found it here:

A couple of redneck hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

The operator, trying to calm him says: “Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot.

The redneck comes back on the line and says, “OK, now what?”

Filed under: Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor
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Uncle Sam Is Auctioning Dead Horses

Posted on 03.04.09 by Danny Glover @ 7:02 pm

Google confirms that this joke has been circulating for a while, but I just recently discovered it under a blog post headlined “Redneck Economics 101.” It paints the government as a bunch of bureaucrats who have auctioned a rotting horse corpse to American taxpayers. Sounds about right to me.

Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news… the horse died.”

Chuck replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.” The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Chuck said, “Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.”

The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?” Chuck said, “I’m going to raffle him off.” The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!” Chuck said, “Sure I can, watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?” Chuck said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.”

The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?” Chuck said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.:

Chuck grew up and now works for the government. He’s the one who figured out how this “bail-out” is going to work.

Filed under: Government and Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor
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