Sarah Palin’s Redneck Teleprompter
Posted on 03.07.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 11:29 pm

The Urban Dictionary gained a new entry and definition last month courtesy of “2008 Enlightened Redneck of the Year” Sarah Palin. The entry: redneck teleprompter. The definition: “Crib notes written on a public speaker’s hand in order to remind him or her what to say during a speech or interview.”

Palin’s decision to fill the palm of her hand with the few verbal cues before a big speech predictably earned her the scorn of elitists like Mary Kate Cary in U.S. News & World Report:

At a certain age and at a certain professional level, it’s really not cool to write the big stuff down on your hand. Yellow stickies, maybe. BlackBerry, maybe. But if you were sitting in your doctor’s office after an exam, and saw that he’d written on his hand: “Diagnose Illness … Write Prescription,” you’d be more than alarmed. …

Like the Tea Party keynote speech she gave and her book before that, this incident shows that she doesn’t care to take the time to be prepared, to engage in serious policy discussions, or even to rely on issue briefing materials before speaking.

But Palin got the last laugh the next day during an appearance in Texas. She wrote “Hi Mom!” on her palm when she knew the whole Palin-hating media world would be watching:


Filed under: Hatin' On Rednecks and Human Interest and Just For Laughs and Media and News & Politics and People and Photography and Rednecks
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Redneck Hedge Trimmer
Posted on 03.03.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 9:07 pm



Filed under: Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor
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Plowed Under By Government Stupidity
Posted on 02.22.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 12:24 pm

With mounds of snow still fresh on people’s minds — and streets — this animation has been making its way around the Web the past couple of weeks (though it appears to have been online since at least 2007):

A friend just forwarded it to me by e-mail with a note underneath that said, “Designed by the same people designing health-care reform.”

The image reminds me of a country tale I heard years ago about a well-trained rabbit dog. Hot on the scent of his prey, the dog chased the rabbit up one row of his master’s garden and down the other, passing within a foot of the rabbit repeatedly. If he had just taken a moment to stop and think, the hound would have realized that he could have cut the rabbit off at any point by just jumping over one row.

Don’t be a stupid pooch. Think before you vote!


Filed under: Government and Just For Laughs and News & Politics
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The Queerness Of Redneck Logic
Posted on 02.22.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 7:44 am

Here’s a little redneck humor to start the workweek:

Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history and logic.

“What’s logic?” the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”

“I sure do.”

“Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,” replied the professor.

“That’s real good!” said the redneck.

The professor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house.”

Impressed, the redneck said, “Amazing!”

“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”

“That’s Betty Mae! This is incredible!” The redneck was catching on.

“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.

“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard! I can’t wait to take that logic class!”

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

“So what classes are ya takin’?” asked the friend.

“Math, history and logic!” replied the first redneck.

“What in tarnation is logic?” asked his friend.

“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?” asked the first redneck.

“No,” his friend replied.

“You’re queer, ain’t ya?”

As is often the case, I have no idea of the origins of this joke because it’s all over the Internet. But if somebody can lay claim to it, I’d love to give due credit on this blog.


Filed under: Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor
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‘Redneck Prius’ Makes A Statement
Posted on 02.21.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 1:38 pm

I can’t think of a better place than an “Ugly Truck Contest” for an enlightened redneck to make a statement against global warming hysteria, and that’s just what an Oregon teenager and his father did yesterday.

The classic cars gleamed and the ugly trucks did whatever rust does in sunlight, but one truck stood out:

A white and reddish orange monstrosity with more than a little political edge: “The Redneck Prius” boasted a power plug on the hood and half a bicycle on the back. A bumper sticker also let folks know “My carbon footprint is bigger than yours.” It also purported to run on “gas, electric pedal power and hot air from Washington, D.C.”

Morgan Gregory, 18, and his father Gary chopped up the bike; they got the genuine Prius decal from friends at Lassen Toyota. “We worked on it last night and this morning,” said Morgan Gregory, who lives in Shedd.

It’s too bad the Albany Democrat Herald didn’t snap a picture to illustrate the story. I would rather see what the Redneck Prius looks like than hear a description of it.

A side thought: The way things are going for Toyota, all of its cars, including the recalled Corolla I am driving, are going to have a redneck reputation before long.


Filed under: Government and Just For Laughs and News & Politics and Redneck Humor and Rednecks
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A Redneck Boy And His Stuffed Tiger
Posted on 02.21.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 1:18 pm

I loved the comic strip “Calvin & Hobbes.” It’s the one strip I rushed to read in the daily newspaper, and I purchased several of the compilations creator Bill Watterson sold in book form.

I still remember the strip that hooked me as a Calvin fan for life. Calvin burped, prompting the typical adult reply from his mother: “Calvin! What do we say after that?” Here’s how the conversation went next:

Calvin: Must be a barge coming through!
Mom: WHAT do you say?!
Calvin: That sure tasted better going down than coming up!
Mom: Three strikes and you’re history, kiddo.
Calvin, sheepishly: Excuse me.

Classic! Calvin was a redneck through and through. So was his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, who came to life in Calvin’s imagination and the strip. But their creator is an enlightened redneck.

Readers may have never thought about Watterson’s personal choices when they read the strip, but that strength of character echoed throughout his work. “Calvin and Hobbes” is complex, thoughtful and thought provoking. Calvin and Hobbes aren’t plastic and one-dimensional. …

[They are] a hyper-imaginative kid and his pet tiger who may or may not be real, depending on who’s looking at him. But that’s just the surface. That doesn’t really begin to explain Watterson’s unique storytelling device in which readers switch between the world as Calvin sees it — a fantastical place — and as adults see it — a cut ‘n’ dried conventional reality. You need to immerse yourself in “Calvin and Hobbes” to truly understand it. Sure, you could read one strip, get the gag and move on with your life, but you’d be missing out.

I sure do miss Watterson’s work, which ran for only a decade. So do millions of other fans.
(more…)


Filed under: Books and Entertainment and Human Interest and Just For Laughs and Media and People and Redneck Humor
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Keith Olbermann Is A Dramatic Chipmunk
Posted on 02.18.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 11:58 am

From the video visionaries at Reason TV:




Filed under: Just For Laughs and Media and Video
Comments: 1 Comment

Will You Marry Me? No Way, Loser!
Posted on 02.15.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 12:21 pm

All of you enlightened rednecks who think it’s a good idea to propose to your would-be spouse in a very public way must watch this video:

The hat tip goes to Ed Morrissey of Hot Air, who offers these words of wisdom: “Unless you’re sure of the answer, prospective suitors should consider the YouTube age before popping the question at a sporting event.”

UPDATE, 2/16: The whole thing was staged, which means both the man and the woman are losers.


Filed under: Just For Laughs and Sports and Video
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That’s My Snow-Carved Parking Spot!
Posted on 02.14.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 11:17 pm

A young Christian named Drew is staying with us a few months while he does an internship in the Washington area. A Georgia Tech student, he’s had quite the treat (or curse) the past week as the mid-Atlantic region has been slammed with snow.

Last night, Drew spent quite a bit of time shoveling himself a parking spot out of the snow along our street. But when he returned from worship service this morning, someone else had taken it. We tried to explain that it’s a public street and we can’t keep people from parking there, but he couldn’t be consoled.

When we returned home from evening worship a few hours later, the spot was vacant again so I went to the basement, grabbed a can of purple spray paint (the perfect color for a strapping boy who exercises every day) and laid claim to the spot for Drew.

I can’t guarantee folks will pay any attention to the sign, but I gave it the ol’ college try.


Filed under: Human Interest and Just For Laughs and News & Politics and Photography
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Barack Obama As The Godfather
Posted on 01.05.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 10:34 pm

Glenn Reynolds spotted a surprisingly unflattering picture of President Obama on the White House Flickr page over the weekend and posted it to Instapundit. His post sparked a heated debate about the president’s body language and, predictably for the left, which sees every criticism of Obama in black and white, whether Reynolds was racist for posting it.

The blog fight was way too serious for me, so I held my tongue for once. This video, inspired by the picture that started it all, is more my speed:


Filed under: Entertainment and Just For Laughs and People and Photography and Video
Comments: 1 Comment

Nicknaming The Underwear Bomber
Posted on 01.03.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 11:41 pm

On Christmas Day 2009, a would-be terrorist attempted to blow a jet airliner out of the sky by igniting a bomb built into his underwear. Had he succeeded, people wouldn’t be giving the terrorist, Omar Farouk Abdulmutallab, creative nicknames and cracking jokes about his “equipment.” But he failed, so he’s an easy target for ridicule.

The terror plot has spawned at least two puns I’ve seen:

Heard any others, or have ideas of your own? Include them in the comments. Or if you hate puns, include the ones you find particularly grating.


Filed under: Just For Laughs and News & Politics
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Building Implosion Fail
Posted on 01.03.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 11:00 pm

Something tells me a Chinese redneck was in charge of the explosives:


Filed under: Just For Laughs and Video
Comments: 1 Comment

Until Death Do Us Part
Posted on 12.26.09 by K. Daniel Glover @ 12:13 pm

You might be a redneck … if you plan your husband’s funeral before he dies:

My wife just received a series of text messages about the date and time of a funeral to take place about a week from now. This was not especially surprising as the man had been ill for some time. After a few calls to get details, my wife discovered that the man was still alive! He had taken a turn for the worse and was in a coma, so his wife had decided to go ahead and schedule the funeral.

The response from “Dear Prudence“:

It is rather chilling that the wife is texting everyone with the news. … I suppose you can be grateful that as a further convenience, she’s not sending around advance information about her wedding gift registry in case she finds a candidate for remarriage.

Call me crazy, but I think when a man or woman says “until death do us part,” it implies that he or she will patiently, and anxiously, wait for the day to arrive rather than plan it in advance.

(Hat tip to Instapundit)


Filed under: Culture and Just For Laughs
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Obama’s Jokers
Posted on 12.24.09 by K. Daniel Glover @ 5:01 pm

Posters with members of Congress decorated as the Joker from Batman fame have been surfacing around the country and online since the Senate struck a corrupt deal to overhaul the U.S. health-care system. They are being called “Obama’s jokers.”

All of their political careers should end as a result of their votes.


Filed under: Government and Health and Just For Laughs and News & Politics and Photoshop Stop
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Redneck Scooter Ornament
Posted on 12.24.09 by K. Daniel Glover @ 1:05 pm

Our Christmas tree is decorated with all kinds of redneck ornaments, including a Tasmanian Devil/Angel tree topper and several bear ornaments, but we don’t have this redneck scooter:

Of course, enlightened rednecks would fill that scooter with non-alcoholic drinks.


Filed under: Holidays and Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor
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