‘Crazy Rednecks’ On Python Patrol
Posted on 02.09.13 by Danny Glover @ 5:50 pm

Destructive Burmese pythons have invaded the Florida Everglades, and state officials determined to protect the habitat decided the problem is bad enough to warrant a 30-day open season. The result: “crazy rednecks running around with guns, knives, swords and bats” to kill the nasty snakes.

Or at least that’s how the reptile-loving elitists who live with snakes and alligators and other creatures in Florida year round see the Python Challenge that is about to end.

Snooty university snake researchers apparently feel the same way. “Look at all the yahoos coming down here,” one of them said when explaining why the Python Challenge has been a bit of a bust.

To put this episode of redneck- and yahoo-bashing in ironic perspective, let’s take a closer look at one of the members of the South Florida Herpetological Society mentioned in the first story linked above:

At the Grunwald home, it is not uncommon on cold days for the family to bring some of the wildlife indoors. The smaller crocodiles, for instance, very much enjoy splashing around in the family bathtub. Fred’s 16-year-old granddaughter, Brooke, spent her childhood sharing bathrooms with crocodiles, a practice that left her wondering as a child why the other girls in town were apprehensive about coming to her slumber parties.

Speaking of sleepovers, Brooke tells me that on one particularly cold night years ago, one of their Caiman crocs found its way into Fred’s bed, where they “cuddled” comfortably through the night.

Talk about throwing stones from glass houses! People who cuddle with Caiman crocodiles and play with snakes for a living really have no credibility to be hurling insults at python-hunting rednecks.

Filed under: Hatin' On Rednecks and Hunting & Guns and News & Politics and Rednecks and Wildlife
Comments: None

Obama: Look At Me, I Shoot Skeet!
Posted on 02.02.13 by Danny Glover @ 3:53 pm

Millions of Americans fear that President Obama is going to infringe their Second Amendment right to bear arms. Guns and ammunition have been selling so fast that Walmart is now rationing them to address the demand.

Obama wants to restrict access to guns, but he first he has to win the PR battle. That’s why he’s talking about how he shoots skeet “all the time” at Camp David — and why he released a photo to appease the skeptics who doubt that claim.


Sorry, Mr. President, firing a shotgun occasionally won’t earn you any street cred among rednecks who cling to their guns ever tighter when politicians like you start plotting to weaken gun rights. You’re no Paul Ryan.

Update: The picture of Obama as skeet-shooter-in-chief is great ammunition for Photoshop fun. Here are a couple of spoofs from my Facebook news feed today:

Filed under: 1980s and Business and Culture and Hunting & Guns and Media and News & Politics and People and Photography and Rednecks
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Gun Control For WVU’s Mountaineer
Posted on 12.07.12 by Danny Glover @ 8:14 pm

December 6, 2012, is a date which will live in infamy in West Virginia history. That is the date, or thereabouts, that WVU imposed gun control on the Mountaineer!

His sin: Mountaineer Jonathan Kimble killed a bear with the university-issued musket, and someone who shot video of it didn’t have the sense to keep the kill off YouTube.

“While Jonathan Kimble’s actions broke no laws or regulations,” spokesman John Bolt told the Charleston Daily Mail, “the university has discussed this with him and he agrees that it would be appropriate to forego using the musket in this way in the future. There are some provisions regarding the gun, but none that prohibit its use outside of the University-sponsored functions or for hunting purposes.”

Way to go, WVU. Bob Costas wins.

Filed under: Hunting & Guns and News & Politics and Video and West Virginia and Wildlife
Comments: None

No Rednecks Allowed In Democrats’ Tent
Posted on 09.07.12 by Danny Glover @ 12:10 pm

There may be a few rednecks rooting for President Obama, but the president’s Democratic Party certainly isn’t a welcoming place for rednecks. Behold the “party of inclusion” and “tolerance” when its members are asked just how big their tent really is:

Let’s recap that dialogue for posterity:

  • “This is so inclusive. You know, we even invite the redneck freaks in.”
  • “I would never call a redneck a name.”
  • “I don’t know, I’m thinkin’, like, a couple of teeth, you know, hair outta place, maybe a nice gut.”
  • “You’re welcome to be a Democrat unless “you’re a hunter or a gun owner, white male. … They’re a bunch of gun-totin’, hillbilly tea partiers. That’s all I have to say.”
  • “A bunch of Yosemite Sam hillbillies.”
  • “We are the big-tent party, and we will let most anybody in, unless of course they’re carrying guns. … These Christian evangelicals don’t get it because I don’t believe they ever actually read the Bible.”
  • “Wack-job, evangelical gun nuts. … I’ve always called them Nazis — and evil, even before it was appropriate.”
  • “Don’t have a clue about science, very questionable on any kind of thought that involves more than two or three sentences.”
  • “Pot-bellied … church-going … small-minded … anti-science.”
  • “The teabaggers generalize because they’re very narrow-minded people. The teabaggers are the least tolerant group I have ever seen.”

Where could all of these Democrats possibly get the inspiration for such elitist, bigoted ideas? Oh, I don’t know, maybe from the current standard-bearer of the Democratic Party?

Filed under: Hatin' On Rednecks and Hunting & Guns and Just For Laughs and News & Politics and People and Rednecks and Religion and Video
Comments: None

‘Bowhunter’ In The White House?
Posted on 09.04.12 by Danny Glover @ 3:35 pm

The Republican presidential ticket knows how to make a serious play for the redneck vote — pick Secret Service code names that resonate with hunters and car enthusiasts:

Paul Ryan, who received Secret Service protection last month after being picked as Mitt Romney’s running mate, has his new Secret Service code name to brandish: “Bowhunter.” A campaign official told GQ’s Marc Ambinder that Ryan — a skilled archer and deer hunter whose kills are well-documented — chose the code name himself. …

[Mitt] Romney, who has had Secret Service protection since January, is known as “Javelin” — a handle that could refer to a vintage muscle car manufactured by American Motors Corp., where Romney’s father, George, was once chairman.

Ryan’s record as an avid (and skilled) hunter earned the presidential ticket a burst of redneck enthusiasm when Romney chose him to run for vice president. The news also caused a mini-traffic spike on this blog as voters Googled Ryan’s name and found my post on his hunting prowess.

Filed under: Hunting & Guns and News & Politics and People and Rednecks and Wildlife
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Redneck Jewelry
Posted on 08.26.12 by Danny Glover @ 11:12 pm

Conservative columnist Michelle Malkin, either inadvertently or perhaps intentionally, became the pitch woman for a line of redneck jewelry last week. After an appearance on Fox News where she wore a necklace made of a .50-caliber toothpick holder, her fans asked what it was and where she got it. The answer: the Etsy store of a Pennsylvania craftsman whose nephew is a Marine.

Malkin posted a link to the store on her Facebook page, so I decided to visit. Every redneck should click there as well to see the abundance of creative products. My favorites are the .50-caliber toothpick holder, redneck sippy cup and antler candle holder.

I could have done without the Wolf Pack necklace advertised on a hairy chest. That’s not the best way to market a product.

Filed under: Advertising and Business and Hunting & Guns and People
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The Hunter Becomes The Hunted
Posted on 08.18.12 by Danny Glover @ 1:52 pm

A Facebook friend just stumbled across this knickknack in a country store. It’s every wild animal’s fantasy.

Filed under: Culture and Friends and Hunting & Guns and Just For Laughs and Rednecks and Wildlife
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Herman Cain, Free Speech And Bunny Skeet
Posted on 03.26.12 by Danny Glover @ 10:05 pm

I will defend to the death (OK, not really) the right of Herman Cain or anyone else to make bizarre Internet videos that simulate cruelty to animals to condemn government taxes on small businesses:

But I will never vote to elect as president a man who lacks the sense to see that such a video is neither entertaining nor enlightening. I’m so glad voting for Cain is not an option anymore. I can’t believe he was a viable candidate last year, however briefly.

Filed under: Hunting & Guns and News & Politics and Pets and Video
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Turkey Terror In Michigan
Posted on 03.09.12 by Danny Glover @ 6:49 pm

Can wild turkeys get rabies? This gobbler, which has been terrorizing a woman in Michigan, sure acts like he has it:

Of course, the better question is why this turkey is still alive. The shotgun is a simple solution. If a turkey were to repeatedly attack me at the door of my home, you can bet he wouldn’t be alive for long. Even in the city, where I couldn’t fire a shot, I’d find a way to wring his neck.

Filed under: Human Interest and Hunting & Guns and Video and Wildlife
Comments: None

West Virginia’s ‘Bizarre Foods’
Posted on 02.27.12 by Danny Glover @ 11:54 pm

As I type, I’m watching an episode of “Bizarre Foods” that features West Virginia delicacies and a hunting guide nicknamed “Redneck.” He just bragged that his biggest monthly bill is his cell phone, so he’s an enlightened redneck — my kind of people.

Remember that blog post I wrote a few weeks back about eating groundhog? Thanks to “Bizarre Foods,” you now have video proof. Host Andrew Zimmern told the story of pepperoni rolls, too.

But even I learned something tonight: I had no idea that some of my fellow West Virginians eat mink. Or do they? The report on the “Roadkill Cook-off” left me wondering what’s true versus what’s for show.

Filed under: Entertainment and Food and History and Hunting & Guns and Media and People and Rednecks and West Virginia and Wildlife
Comments: 1 Comment

Dustin Ellerman: Faith First, Shooting Second
Posted on 02.11.12 by Danny Glover @ 9:40 pm

Our family just finished watching a marathon of last season’s “Top Shot” on the History Channel, and we were all thrilled to see Dustin Ellerman, who runs a religious camp in Texas, win the $100,000 prize. He was probably the only competitor on the show who didn’t need to be bleeped for vulgarity.

After watching the season finale, I decided to poke around the Internet to learn more about Ellerman and found this post-”Top Shot” interview with him on CBN:

What an excellent role model!

For a while today, I wasn’t so sure I had made a wise choice in picking “Top Shot” for quality father/son and male-bonding time with our 12-year-old. Although the History Channel bleeps most of the bad language from its reality shows, it’s fairly easy to interpret them visually, and the bad guy of “Top Shot,” Jake Zweig, uttered the f-word so many times during a couple of the episodes that I almost turned off the show.

But after seeing Ellerman win, I’m glad we watched to the end. The bad guy revealed himself to be a total loser in every respect, and the good guy won convincingly, after weeks of demonstrating both sportsmanship and humility. He stayed true to his faith and quietly let his light shine before people who clearly don’t put God first.

Those are lessons I’m glad our children had the opportunity to learn. Who’d have thunk they could learn it by watching reality TV?

Filed under: Entertainment and Hunting & Guns and People and Religion and Video
Comments: 2 Comments

Punxsutawney Phil On A Platter
Posted on 02.02.12 by Danny Glover @ 1:52 pm

Yes, the day we all dread every winter — Groundhog Day — is here, and the world’s most famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, saw his shadow. According to rural legend, that means we should expect six more weeks of winter.

That might not sound so bad during this winter of balmy weather, especially to skiers. But spring-loving rednecks who want revenge against the prophetic Phil and his Phamily of rodents should go here, where you’ll find a recipe for roasting your neighborhood groundhog, literally.

Why would you want to eat a groundhog? Every redneck knows the answer:

Filed under: Culture and Food and Hunting & Guns and Rednecks and West Virginia and Wildlife
Comments: 2 Comments

How To Make A Slingshot Crossbow
Posted on 01.12.12 by Danny Glover @ 12:43 pm

Remarkable redneck ingenuity is on display in this video, which demonstrates how you can turn your Christmas tree into a deadly slingshot crossbow:

Filed under: Holidays and Human Interest and Hunting & Guns and Rednecks and Sports and Video
Comments: None

MeatEater: Red Meat For Rednecks
Posted on 12.15.11 by Danny Glover @ 5:31 pm

Finally, some enlightened entertainment for rednecks! MeatEater, a new series that premieres Jan. 1 on the Sportsman Channel, will unabashedly celebrate the carnivorous lifestyle combined with the sheer joy of hunting and bagging your own game.

[The hunts will] introduce you to some of the wildest tasting foods that you’ve ever seen. I’m talking about coues deer heart wrapped in the animal’s own abdominal lining and cooked in the field over a stone hearth; cubed black bear meat deep-fried in rendered bear oil; mallard ducks, spatchcocked and spit-roasted over a fire of black spruce; mule deer stew simmered in melted snow; and scalded and scraped javelina cooked through an ingenous method that I learned from Amerindian hunters in the South American jungle.

The bad news: We have Comcast, and a colleague of mine just noted on Facebook that Comcast doesn’t offer the Sportsman Channel. How unenlightened!

Filed under: Entertainment and Hunting & Guns and Rednecks
Comments: None

Kill The Penny!
Posted on 12.01.11 by Danny Glover @ 8:26 pm

I don’t know much about monetary policy, but as a coin collector, I do know this much about “money” policy: America could save a bundle of money by killing off the penny:

The same goes for dollar bills, which is why I’m a fan of the Dollar Coin Alliance. But a government that has overspent by trillions of dollars can’t be expected to care about the mere $5.6 billion it could save over 30 years by eliminating currency that has no relative value any more.

Filed under: Coin Collecting and Government and News & Politics and Video
Comments: None

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