Tracking The Trout Truck
Posted on 05.03.17 by Danny Glover @ 8:57 pm

I had no idea that some of my fellow West Virginians track trout trucks to game the fish-stocking process, let alone that the problem is severe enough to warrant regulation for safety reasons:

It is not uncommon for [hatchery] personnel to arrive at a stream to deposit fish and have 15 to 20 people sitting there and waiting on the stock truck. The advancement of the smart phone and rapid communication along with social media is also fueling what has been a longtime problem. … It has been so bad, they’ve been struck in the face by flying lures and treble hooks.

These “fishermen” are like “hunters” who bait game. They’re lazy, and they give enlightened rednecks a bad name.

Filed under: Fishing and Government and News & Politics and Redneck Hall Of Shame and Rednecks and West Virginia
Comments: 1 Comment

The Worm For The Win
Posted on 04.14.14 by Danny Glover @ 10:52 pm

As a tee-totaling redneck, I’ve always been annoyed that beer brands make some of the most clever TV ads. But you gotta give props where props are due, and Keystone Light has a winner in my book with its fishing ad that glorifies the lowly worm:

I’ve always been partial to the worm as bait. During my high school years, I earned some hefty pocket change catching dozens of nightcrawlers a night in my hometown and selling them for 50 cents to 65 cents per dozen. My biggest problem as a businessman was not using the inventory myself in the Ohio River and its tributary streams on the West Virginia side of the river.

Some of my fishing mentors and companions razzed me over my choice of bait. Even the hillbilly hollers have their share of anglers who look down their noses if you use live bait, and especially nightcrawlers, instead of tying a fly, a spinner or some other lure on the end of your line. Dough balls, corn and even stink bait for catfish ranked higher in their minds than dirty worms.

“A River Runs Through It” memorialized this brand of redneck elitism in a scene where the bumbling bait fisherman showed up late and drunk, with a coffee can full of worms. The uppity fly fishermen, the movie’s main characters, found him hours later, naked and sunburned because he fell asleep in the grass with the hussy he brought with him.

But no matter how much mocking I endured, I never wavered from the worms. I also usually caught far more fish than my friends who were loyal to their lures, as did the fishermen who came knocking on my parents’ door for bait — sometimes to the tune of 20 dozen or more at once.

The pinnacle of my fishing youth came on the day when the man who taught me the most about the sport asked if I’d share my worms with him. He had been fishing all day with his favorite lure, white Curly Tail Grubs from Mister Twister.

For every bass he tricked with those lures, I hooked two to three with my nightcrawlers. They were biting within seconds after my bait hit the water. His “luck” improved dramatically when he swapped the plastic for the natural.

My mentor was a teetotaler, too, but if a non-alcoholic version of Keystone Light had existed back then, he just might have bought me a brew to toast the worm for the win.

Filed under: Advertising and Business and Family and Fishing and Rednecks and Sports and Video and West Virginia
Comments: 1 Comment

Redneck Snack Time
Posted on 12.19.09 by Danny Glover @ 11:51 am

If you’re “real folks” with a hankerin’ for real food, click your way to Redneck Snack Baskets to whet your appetite for everything from Spam to Moon Pies.

“It’s really a neat way to do business,” Tom Klebe told the Herald & Review in Decatur, Ill. He and his wife, Darla, have been selling the snack baskets online since 2004 and have new mixes planned for after the holidays. “The challenge we are running into is all of the different shipping options.”

The store has arrangements for hunters (lots of jerky and other meaty morsels), fisherman (Goldfish crackers and other aquatic-themed snacks), soldiers (everything your favorite military man, or woman, could want while away from home) and more. The biggest basket, “Bubba’s Little Brother,” sells for about $130.

And right now all 10 versions of the redneck basket, which actually come in metal tubs, are “stimulus priced”!

Filed under: Business and Fishing and Food and Hunting & Guns and Rednecks
Comments: None

Carp Killer
Posted on 12.11.09 by Danny Glover @ 11:28 pm

As a young man, I loved catching carp in the rivers and streams of West Virginia. I never kept the ugly, bony fish for food, but hooking them was great sport because they are fighters.

Apparently the enlightened folks in the Great Lakes region don’t see the Asian carp that way. One family established the Redneck Fishing Tournament “to get those carp out so we can take back the [Illiniois River]” because the carp eat ravenously and jump from the water when spooked by boats.

But fishing for the carp didn’t work. The population continued to rise, and officials fear that the invasive species will ruin sport and commercial fishing in the Great Lakes. That’s why frantic officials in Illinois spent $3 million to poison … one carp.

Your government at work. Next time, maybe I’ll lobby the state to pay this redneck $3 million in exchange for catching and killing two carp. Illinois will double the return on taxpayers’ investment, and I’ll be able to retire early. Sounds like a win-win scenario to me.

Filed under: Fishing and Government and Rednecks and Video and West Virginia
Comments: None

Noodling For Catfish
Posted on 07.09.09 by Danny Glover @ 6:27 pm

Earlier this year, The New York Times enlightened this redneck to the sport, if you want to call it that, of “noodling” for catfish. Now I’ve learned that there is a noodling tournament in Oklahoma.

I wanna go. I don’t wanna noodle, but I wanna go. This year’s event is two days from now, so that’s out of the question. But I’m putting the noodling tournament on my redneck to-do list for the future.

Filed under: Culture and Fishing and Human Interest and Rednecks
Comments: None

(Gar)gantuan Redneck Fish
Posted on 06.30.09 by Danny Glover @ 11:48 pm

Back in the Ohio Valley of my youth, every boy feared the day he would hook a fish and reel it in to find a gar, a creature with a snout and razor-sharp teeth, at the end of the line.

Gars snarl and snap like rabid raccoons when you snag ‘em. Kids either beat them to death or cut the line and kicked them back into the water with the hook as a badge of honor to show their buddies. I only remember catching one small one in the Ohio River, and I opted for the arguably cruel yet very usual hook-and-release method.

Times have changed. Enlightened rednecks now pursue the alligator gar for sport — and the monsters they hope to hook are far scarier than the 10-inch wannabe I couldn’t wait to cut loose in high school.

[A]lligator gar have experienced a kind of trash-to-trophy renaissance as sportsmen discovered the thrill of hunting the beasts, which can weigh up to 300 pounds and reach 8 feet in length. Gar hunting, with rod-and-reel as well as crossbow, has spawned a booming market for guides who charge as much as $750 a day to lead their clients deep into the muddy backwaters of Texas where the monster fish thrive.

In the rural South, the prospect of bagging a trophy gator gar inspires a special brand of enthusiasm. “I don’t consider myself a redneck, but sometimes I do redneck stuff,” says Mark Malfa, a gar guide in central Texas.

I hate to break it to you, Mr. Malfa, but if you take city slickers with deep pockets gar-hunting in the Texas backwoods, you’re a redneck. That’s not a bad thing, though. Now that I’ve seen the gar in a new and manly light, I wouldn’t mind being in your shoes.

Filed under: Fishing and Human Interest and Rednecks and Sports
Comments: None

Save The Redneck: It’s A Movement!
Posted on 04.23.09 by Danny Glover @ 7:58 pm

Thanks to the power of Google news alerts, a press release about a grassroots group called Save the Redneck found its way to my e-mail box.

Like me, the group is irked at elitist actress Janeane Garofalo for her bigoted rant about rednecks at last week’s anti-tax “tea parties.” Save the Redneck wants an apology from her.

“We are proud of our redneck culture and do not want to see it stereotyped or attacked. We are striving to bring awareness to, and change, this unacceptable behavior,” group co-founder Crit Callebs said. “Our aim is to set the record straight and celebrate everything positive about being a redneck.”

I won’t hold my breath for Garofalo to apologize, but I’m glad to see others are fighting the good redneck fight. I’m part of a movement and didn’t even know it!

Filed under: Culture and Entertainment and Fishing and Hatin' On Rednecks and History and Human Interest and Hunting & Guns and News & Politics and People and Rednecks and Spotlight
Comments: 14 Comments

Bird Food
Posted on 02.18.09 by Danny Glover @ 2:52 pm

Notice the fish at the end of the video. He’s baffled by the turn of events, as if he’s saying: “Hey, where’s my buddy? He was here just a second ago?”

Filed under: Fishing and Video
Comments: 1 Comment

To Catch A Catfish, Be The Bait
Posted on 01.25.09 by Danny Glover @ 4:30 pm

Back home in West Virginia, we catch catfish the old-fashioned way, with stink bait, dough balls, nightcrawlers or any other number of meals that catfish love. It never would have occurred to me to use myself as bait like these guys did:

Apparently it’s a rather common practice in some parts of the South to go “noodling” for catfish by letting them latch onto live human bait rather than a hook. Also known as catfisting, grabbling, hogging, gurgling, tickling and stumping, the practice has its roots in American Indian lore. People also noodled for their food during the Great Depression.

“It’s like puttin’ your hand in a vice and tightenin’ it down,” one practitioner of the technique said in the video story below. Another said, “I don’t think we’re crazy; we just like to have fun.”

Hey, if you can get a reporter for The New York Times to try his hand at it (pun intended), noodling must be fish-in-a-barrel fun.

Filed under: Fishing and Video and West Virginia
Comments: 3 Comments

Redneck Life On The Kentucky River
Posted on 01.23.09 by Danny Glover @ 2:37 pm

Lots of rich people live the good life on fancy houseboats. These two are livin’ the good life on a shanty-boat. “It’s a little tin, tar-paper shack built on the river. … Two beds, a table, and it’s mobile. We can take her up and down the river if we want to.” Oh, and there’s an indoor outhouse.

Filed under: Culture and Fishing and Video
Comments: None

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