Redneck Artistry In Action
Posted on 04.21.13 by Danny Glover @ 11:26 pm

This is how you make a masterpiece, redneck style:

My wife watched the video with me and wants to buy me one of the paintings, especially once she realized the artist, Heather LaCroix, is from Louisiana.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Culture and Family and Features and Human Interest and Media and Parenting and People and Rednecks and Video
Comments: None

Sticking It To The HOA Man
Posted on 12.24.11 by Danny Glover @ 6:27 pm

I decided long ago never to buy a home on property controlled by an association of nib-noses who love to impose elitist rules on others. As an enlightened being, I don’t decorate our property with tire planters or cars jacked up on blocks, but the redneck in me cherishes the freedom to do so.

That’s why I like to see people who do choose to live within developments managed by homeowners associations stick it to the HOA man when he goes on a ridiculous and unjustifiable power trip. Overbearing rules usually have loopholes that are ripe for exploitation.

A Facebook friend found just such a loophole during the holidays when her HOA decided to play Grinch. Her understated Christmas decorations — two red bows on the porch pillars and lanterns in the lawn — apparently violated the letter of the association’s lame laws about “seasonal decorations.” The HOA ordered her to remove them.

She didn’t face any fines for the alleged breach, so she decided to keep the decorations in place. But the warning letter from the HOA irritated her and her husband so much that they decided to protest by also decorating their car in Christmas lights. “There is NOTHING in the rules prohibiting decorating your car with Christmas lights,” she said.

Take that, HOA!


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Business and Culture and Family and Features and Holidays and Parenting and Photoshop Stop
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Rep. Paul Ryan, Deer Slayer
Posted on 11.23.11 by Danny Glover @ 6:35 pm

During the legislative season, Paul Ryan is a budget geek in Congress. But when hunting season comes, he’s a whitetail wonk and a sharpshooter in the wilds of Wisconsin.

The proof is in this picture that Ryan, R-Wis., posted to his Facebook page today:

“I butcher my own deer, grind the meat, stuff it in casings and then smoke it,” Ryan told Politico. “Not much to it.”

That, my friends, is an enlightened redneck.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Government and Hunting & Guns and People and Photography and Rednecks and Wildlife
Comments: 4 Comments

Insider Trading In Journalism
Posted on 02.10.10 by Danny Glover @ 6:11 pm

Thinking outside the media box is dangerous. Media companies need to be forward-thinking and both willing and able to adapt quickly if they hope to survive and thrive in a changing marketplace. But thinking unconventionally may lead to behaving unscrupulously.

The proof is in this new and utterly unethical media business model:

IBusiness Reporting plans to report on companies that may be engaging in fraudulent practices (kinda like the ones Minkow engaged in way back when) and fund its reporting through shortselling the stocks of those companies. If the stock price drops after the outlet reports negative information about the company, IBR makes money.

Let’s say that again. There are no ads on the site. No endowments. Nothing of the sort. When one of IBR’s staff, who has taken the position that such-and-such stock will go down, reports information that makes the stock go down, IBR makes money.

One man behind the operation, Barry Minkow, went to jail for orchestrating a Ponzi scheme, so his willingness to cross the boundaries of ethical behavior is no surprise. But Los Angeles Times reporter William Lobdell, who should know better than to engage in such conflicts of interest, is running iBusiness Reporting. His involvement tarnishes the reputation of journalism.

IBR’s business model is a perverted form of insider trading. IBR is buying stocks in companies with the intent of making money by driving down share values. Hopefully, this scheme will be short-lived.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ...
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Guide To Good Wives (And Husbands)
Posted on 11.30.09 by Danny Glover @ 7:45 pm

An article titled “The Good Wife’s Guide,” purportedly from a 1955 edition of Housekeeping Monthly, has made its way into e-mail lore more than 50 years after it was written.

The piece offers tips to wives’ on how to satisfy their husbands, such as “have dinner ready,” “greet him with a warm smile” and “make the evening his.”

The graphic accompanying the list has been exposed as a fake, and the list itself is suspect, but it continues to inspire commentary. It even inspired a video spoof back in 2006.

The latest response, which assumes the list is real, offers a counterpoint “Good Husband’s Guide” that theoretically could have been written during the same era. The tips include:

  • Always make getting and keeping a full-time job with regular raises, benefits, bonuses and the potential for prestigious advancement your number one priority in life.
  • Be prepared to help with household chores when you get home. Let your wife relax or talk on the phone.
  • Do not bore your wife with stories of the troubles you faced at work today. Remember that you are lucky to have a job.
  • Listen avidly to your wife’s complaints. She leads a hectic life and needs to feel listened to and appreciated.
  • Always be prepared to take over in caring for the children when you get home from work. Your wife has been busy all day and deserves some quiet time.

The moral to the story: “The first list is outdated and laughable in its attitudes toward women; the second list, however, could be printed today since every single sentiment expressed in it is practiced, believed and upheld by modern wives and by the culture at large.”


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ...
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Rednecks Are The Backbone Of America
Posted on 11.05.09 by Danny Glover @ 5:40 pm

So says Barbara Henderson at the religious Web site Prophezine. Here’s a partial list of what it means to be a redneck from her article:

  • Redneck is really just a general term for a group of fine hardworking people. Generally speaking, rednecks have a tremendous sense of humor. They can take a joke, even when it is on them. That is one of the reasons the “You might be a redneck if …” jokes go over so well. Rednecks love to laugh. They know laughter is a strong medicine.
  • Rednecks prefer to look at the world through laughter instead of through self pity.
  • Rednecks do not live within the boundaries of perpetual victimhood.
  • Rednecks are risk-takers, preferring to think outside the box of “socially acceptable behavior.”
    Rednecks have a very strong sense of right and wrong, based on the Biblical definitions of right and wrong.

I have a running list of my own thoughts in the entry “What Is An Enlightened Redneck?

The category “Hatin’ On Rednecks” is another place to go for my reactions to redneck hate in America. It includes a recent rebuttal to an essay by Dallas Morning News writer Rod Dreher.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Hatin' On Rednecks and Rednecks
Comments: 2 Comments

When Farm Kids Get Bored
Posted on 10.31.09 by Danny Glover @ 10:39 pm

My father e-mailed me a bunch of pictures under the headline above. I searched the title on Google and found this slide show on CNN. Dad’s e-mail had more pictures, but the ability to embed the slide show makes this presentation more user-friendly for a blog.

The message: Enlightened rednecks appreciate good art.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Business and Culture and Just For Laughs and Photography and Redneck Humor
Comments: 4 Comments

Nuts For Nutella
Posted on 10.28.09 by Danny Glover @ 10:08 pm

A friend posted this ad to Facebook, and it put me in the mood for Nutella. My wife restocked at Costco today, so I had Nutella for supper:

I had never heard of Nutella until friends from church who had spent a few years in Italy introduced it to me after Sunday lunch. It was dessert. I’ve been hooked ever since.

But like all enlightened rednecks, I eat my Nutella with peanut butter. It’s the perfect blend of America and Europe — like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup on bread. Europeans like the stuffy dude in the ad don’t know what they’re missing.


Filed under: Advertising and An Enlightened Redneck ... and Food and Media and Video
Comments: 1 Comment

The Hoax That Was Global Warming
Posted on 10.10.09 by Danny Glover @ 12:47 pm

Don Surber of the Charleston Daily Mail peers into the future and imagines how the historians of tomorrow will recount today’s misguided obsession with global warming that isn’t even real:

I can see it in the year 3000: “Ancient man had a superstition that burning coal warmed not only the fire but the entire planet. This was widespread and only a few people pointed out that nature comes in cycles. They were called heretics and ridiculed as illiterate, Bible-thumping, gun-clinging, racist, inbred, mouth-breathing, redneck conservatives who are an embarrassment to the Republican Party.”

‘Round these parts, we call those folks enlightened rednecks. We just laugh at people who spend millions of dollars to drown animated puppies in a quest to convince us to believe a lie.


Filed under: Advertising and An Enlightened Redneck ... and History and News & Politics and Pets and Rednecks
Comments: 1 Comment

God Is Great, Beer Is Crud
Posted on 08.24.09 by Danny Glover @ 10:56 pm

Country singer Billy Carrington has a hit song whose lyrics include the phrase “God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.” I’d like to amend that statement with a dose of enlightenment: God is great, beer is crud, and rednecks would be a lot less crazy if they quit drinking booze.

In case it isn’t obvious by now, this enlightened redneck is a teetotaler.

I know it’s hard to believe. If there’s one thing people associate with rednecks, it’s liquor — from the hard stuff (Jack Daniels) to the soft stuff (pick a beer) to the illegal, homemade stuff (moonshine). But it’s all bad news, if you ask me.

On second thought, don’t ask me. Just listen to the lyrics of Brad Paisley’s hit song “Alcohol,” which perfectly captures the idiocy that ensues after alcohol consumption.

Here are some of Paisley’s pearls of wisdom:

  • I can make you believe any lie.
  • I’ve been known to cause a few births.
  • I can … get you fired from work.
  • I got blamed … for those naked pictures of you at the beach.
  • You had some of the best times you’ll never remember with me.
  • I’ll bet you a drink or two that I can make you put that lampshade on your head.

I loved the song when it was released on the radio. Then I saw the video and realized that despite the honesty of the lyrics, Paisley intended the song as a celebration of alcohol-induced foolishness.

That’s too bad because rednecks really know how to have a good time without help from Jim Beam and the rest of the Inebriation Clan. But enlightened rednecks like me — I’ve lived 42 years on this planet without once drinking for business or pleasure — don’t get to share in those good times because they aren’t family-friendly venues.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Culture and Music and People and Redneck Music and Rednecks and West Virginia
Comments: 3 Comments

Breakfast In Head
Posted on 07.01.09 by Danny Glover @ 6:52 pm

An enlightened redneck does not pay someone to inject saline into his head in the shape of a bagel, but apparently they call that “beauty” in Japan these days.

Before you decide to have breakfast in head, remember what that Belgian teenager said after she had 56 stars tattooed on her face: “I cannot go out on to the street, I am so embarrassed. I just look ugly, a freak, mutilated.”


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Human Interest and Just For Laughs
Comments: 1 Comment

Tattooed For Life
Posted on 06.17.09 by Danny Glover @ 9:26 am

You’ve heard the phrase “scarred for life.” That’s what I think of tattoos. Enlightened rednecks, not old squares, want nothing to do with them.

We know that one day, perhaps sooner than expected, a tattooed body would make us say something like this: “I cannot go out on to the street, I am so embarrassed. I just look ugly, a freak, mutilated.”

Too bad that teenage girl didn’t think about that before she decided to let the “freak” in the video scar her body for life.

I’m with Don Surber — the tattoo artist’s side of the story is way more believable. There’s no way someone sleeps while getting 56 stars burned into the skin of her face. Plus a mere three stars would have made her look freaky.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Human Interest and Parenting and Video
Comments: 4 Comments

That Picture Of Mama Skunk
Posted on 06.04.09 by Danny Glover @ 8:32 am

It looks nothing like a skunk on the run because of the graininess, poor lighting and reasonable distance from the animal, but here it is:


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ...
Comments: 1 Comment

Shotgun Romance
Posted on 04.20.09 by Danny Glover @ 8:47 pm

No guy, redneck or otherwise, wants a “shotgun wedding.” But every real man would love to have a shotgun romance with an enlightened redneck woman like this:

After getting off the [wedding] plane from Jamaica in Atlanta the couple didn’t even take the time to knock the sand from their shoes. They got in their car — where they had stashed guns, calls and camo — and drove to AEDC Wildlife Management Area. They slept in the car, then at daylight started hunting.

It wasn’t long before Bruce got a turkey to gobble. They put a decoy out and about 10 minutes after that Rene had a 17-pound jake with a 4-inch beard on the ground.

“Bruce would call and it would gobble and to be able to experience that was great,” she said. “Bruce was telling me to move a little this way and stuff and then I saw it coming in.”

The turkey never knew the newlyweds were in the woods. “She was so excited she teared up,” Bruce said.

I’ll bet she even wears jeans. (Hat tip to Instapundit)


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Human Interest and Hunting & Guns and Photography and Rednecks
Comments: 3 Comments

Rednecks Believe In The Rule Of Law
Posted on 04.05.09 by Danny Glover @ 9:09 pm

An enlightened redneck counts among his heroes mayors like Herbert Gears of Irving, Texas, who takes the rule of law seriously enough to impose a crackdown on illegal immigrants.

Here’s the story from The New York Times, including a “redneck” quote from Gears:

[T]wo years ago, Irving made a decision, championed by its first-term mayor, Herbert A. Gears, to conduct immigration checks on everyone booked into the local jail. …

Irving is one of a growing number of cities across America where immigration control, a federal prerogative, is reshaping politics at the other end of the spectrum, the local level, in the absence of a national policy overhaul. To watch its experiment play out over the better part of the past year in City Hall and in its residents’ lives is to see how difficult political moderation has become in the debate over what to do with the country’s estimated 12 million illegal immigrants.

Irving’s jail program was started by the city’s police chief as an experiment with federal immigration officials. But Mr. Gears saw in it a kind of release valve for the political pressure building around him, which had been energized by much more aggressive measures to force out illegal immigrants in Farmers Branch, a smaller suburb next door.

“I let my instincts rule the moment in that instance,” he said. “What weighed heavily in my thoughts is that if we didn’t do something, a lot more immigrants were going to be hurt. And now … I’m the hero of every redneck in America.”

I sense a bit of sarcasm in Gears’ use of the term redneck; I don’t think he meant it as flattery. But I see his subtle jab at rednecks as a compliment.

Our family is majority-minority. My wife and I adopted our three children from Guatemala, and when we did, the Latino world in general and Guatemala in particular became a part of us. When we see Hispanics roaming the streets of America, we see our children. We don’t fear them; we dream of who they can become by being blessed to live in this great country.

That’s the way enlightened rednecks think about legal immigration. Illegal immigration is another matter entirely.

No one should be allowed to enter and stay in this country if they break the law to get here. Our laws need to be strengthened to prevent that from happening. People who come here illegally should be deported if discovered. And mayors like Herbert Gears should be lauded for enforcing the law, even if they distort the meaning of “redneck.”


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Family and Government and Hatin' On Rednecks and News & Politics and People
Comments: 4 Comments

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