Farewell ‘High-Tech Redneck’ George Jones
Posted on 04.27.13 by Danny Glover @ 12:10 am

This morning as my Facebook feed filled with the news that country music legend George Jones had died at age 81, my mind drifted to his 1993 hit song “High-Tech Redneck.” I am one, so the song is perfect fodder for this blog as a tribute to Jones. But as you watch the video and listen to the lyrics, think about how outdated the high-tech redneck of 1993 is today:

Did you catch the size of the headphones on the dog in that video and the cell phone that Jones pulls out at the end? What about the talk of VCRs, cassette tapes and CB radios? Or the reference to a “plugged in” bumpkin? Any redneck celebrating those “advances” today most definitely would fall into the bumpkin category!


Filed under: History and Music and News & Politics and People and Redneck Music and Redneck Musical Interlude and Rednecks and Video
Comments: None

Redneck Artistry In Action
Posted on 04.21.13 by Danny Glover @ 11:26 pm

This is how you make a masterpiece, redneck style:

My wife watched the video with me and wants to buy me one of the paintings, especially once she realized the artist, Heather LaCroix, is from Louisiana.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Culture and Family and Features and Human Interest and Media and Parenting and People and Rednecks and Video
Comments: None

The Dangers Of ‘Butt Chugging’
Posted on 09.26.12 by Danny Glover @ 4:05 pm

I attended a university with a storied reputation as one of the nation’s top party schools — sadly, we reclaimed the No. 1 spot this year — but I had the good sense to avoid the party scene and the people who loved it. In other words, I kept my distance from fraternity row.

Stories like this, which make it tough to rebut redneck stereotypes, remind me why:

Campus police went to the student’s fraternity house, Pi Kappa Alpha (aka Pike), to find out [why he had a deadly blood-alcohol content of nearly .40]. They found at least three males passed out — and this scene, as described by a Knoxville police spokesman in a Monday statement that was obtained by The [Washington] Post:

“Upon extensive questioning it is believed that members of the fraternity were utilizing rubber tubing inserted into their rectums as a conduit for alcohol, as the abundance of capillaries and blood vessels present greatly heightens the level and speed of the alcohol entering the blood stream as it bypasses the filtering by the liver.”

If you ask me, every way to get drunk (or drinking booze in general) is stupid. But “butt chugging” definitely rises to a new level of stupidity. As Hot Air blogger Ed Morrissey noted on Twitter: “I thought I knew every stupid way to get drunk. Sadly, I was mistaken.”


Filed under: Culture and Hatin' On Rednecks and News & Politics and Redneck Hall Of Shame and Rednecks and West Virginia
Comments: None

USA Today Is Proud Of Its ‘Cool Balls’
Posted on 09.14.12 by Danny Glover @ 2:33 pm

When designers and marketers think outside the box, this is what you get: “I have a dream … that one day all Americans will join hands and declare their undying love for our balls.”

That’s how graphic artist Sam Ward began describing his vision for remaking the USA Today logo, the cornerstone of a rebranding campaign by America’s second-largest newspaper. And it only got worse from there. Sadly, USA Today chief marketing officer Maryam Banikarim liked Ward’s vision so much that she shared it in detail with the whole team, complete with repeated, anatomically suggestive references to “balls.”

The memo sounds like it was written by a teenage boy — one determined to ply his creative trade outside the box:

Whenever anyone steps outside the boundaries of the box it will create a stir. In fact, nothing good can be created without stepping outside the box. No, let me rephrase that; nothing can be created at all without stepping outside the box. Our balls could be our boldest statement; our chance to engage readers on a level that we currently are not doing.

The memo earned plenty of well-deserved scorn from readers of media reporter Jim Romenesko. Here are samples of the feedback on his Facebook page:

  • “A CMO who thinks ’sophisticated’ readers will enjoy jokes about balls? What a boob! (Maybe they could let her go and hire a dozen reporters.)”
  • “This is the same newspaper that sacked three veteran women staffers a few years ago because they dared to touch the “big blue ball” statue in one of the then-new Gannett towers out in Tysons Corner. Perhaps it’s a metaphor for that kind of ‘management’ and their recent “success.’”
  • “As our boss wondered: Did we wake up and fast-forward to April 1?”
  • “How much did they pay The Onion [a satire publication] to write this memo?”
  • “Cue Beavis. ‘Heh, heh. He said “our balls.”‘”

Sam Ward and Maryam Banikarim, you are definitely “outsiders” — and that’s not a good thing.


Filed under: Business and Media and Outside The Box and People
Comments: None

Candy Corn Oreos: Halloween Trick Or Treat?
Posted on 09.07.12 by Danny Glover @ 4:22 pm

The question in the headline is rhetorical. Anyone who would corrupt the sweet Oreos combination of chocolate wafers and vanilla cream with the horrid flavor mix that is candy corn obviously is perpetrating a vicious Halloween trick on American consumers.

Unfortunately, Candy Corn Oreos are not an imaginary nightmare on Main Street. They are about to become a reality at Target stores thanks to some evil marketing genius with a sick sense of humor.

The news is all over the Internet today, and I knew before I read it that someone covering the story was sure to use the phrase “outside the box,” which too often is synonymous with bad ideas.

I’ve explained my animosity toward that phrase before. Now, with the introduction of Candy Corn Oreos, I’ve decided to revive my regular ridicule of the concept with a new feature on this blog. Consider this the first official installment of “Outside The Box.”

While we’re talking about nasty attempts at sweet treats, enjoy comedian Tim Hawkins’ take on the subject to start your weekend:


Filed under: Advertising and Business and Food and Holidays and Human Interest and Just For Laughs and Outside The Box and People and Video
Comments: None

Sticking It To The HOA Man
Posted on 12.24.11 by Danny Glover @ 6:27 pm

I decided long ago never to buy a home on property controlled by an association of nib-noses who love to impose elitist rules on others. As an enlightened being, I don’t decorate our property with tire planters or cars jacked up on blocks, but the redneck in me cherishes the freedom to do so.

That’s why I like to see people who do choose to live within developments managed by homeowners associations stick it to the HOA man when he goes on a ridiculous and unjustifiable power trip. Overbearing rules usually have loopholes that are ripe for exploitation.

A Facebook friend found just such a loophole during the holidays when her HOA decided to play Grinch. Her understated Christmas decorations — two red bows on the porch pillars and lanterns in the lawn — apparently violated the letter of the association’s lame laws about “seasonal decorations.” The HOA ordered her to remove them.

She didn’t face any fines for the alleged breach, so she decided to keep the decorations in place. But the warning letter from the HOA irritated her and her husband so much that they decided to protest by also decorating their car in Christmas lights. “There is NOTHING in the rules prohibiting decorating your car with Christmas lights,” she said.

Take that, HOA!


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Business and Culture and Family and Features and Holidays and Parenting and Photoshop Stop
Comments: None

Daisy The Fire Dog
Posted on 12.17.11 by Danny Glover @ 11:21 pm

Our scaredy dog Daisy discovered fire tonight when we started the first one of the winter in our fireplace. Clearly we won’t be able to leave her alone in the living room with a fire burning. She may catch herself, and then our whole house, on fire.

Smart dogs respect fire and keep their distance. Daisy, not so much.


Filed under: Family and Human Interest and Pets and The Redneck Report and Video
Comments: None

Rep. Paul Ryan, Deer Slayer
Posted on 11.23.11 by Danny Glover @ 6:35 pm

During the legislative season, Paul Ryan is a budget geek in Congress. But when hunting season comes, he’s a whitetail wonk and a sharpshooter in the wilds of Wisconsin.

The proof is in this picture that Ryan, R-Wis., posted to his Facebook page today:

“I butcher my own deer, grind the meat, stuff it in casings and then smoke it,” Ryan told Politico. “Not much to it.”

That, my friends, is an enlightened redneck.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Government and Hunting & Guns and People and Photography and Rednecks and Wildlife
Comments: 4 Comments

How ‘Bout I Put This ‘Gun Up Your Butt’?
Posted on 05.22.10 by Danny Glover @ 11:51 am

When a public official resorts to crudely threatening an inquisitive reporter with a rifle to make a point about gun control, he’s already lost the debate. So it was with Chicago Mayor Richard Daley.

At a press conference to defend his city’s handgun ban, Daley said this to a reporter who dared ask how effective the ban has been: “It’s been very effective. If I put this up your butt, you’ll find out how effective it is. Let me put a round up your, you know.”

(Hat tip to Don Surber)

Daley later apologized for the comment — sort of. “Sure, I’ll be sorry. I’m not going to sing the [1960 Brenda Lee] song ‘I’m Sorry’ now, but sure, you can write it. But I hope I shocked you that you can write about now the gun manufacturers.”

But his apology was about as effective as … the city’s handgun ban.

I hereby proclaim Daley the first winner of the “Real Leaders of Genius” award here at The Enlightened Redneck. He’s earned it.


Filed under: Government and Hunting & Guns and News & Politics and Real Leaders of Genius and Video
Comments: None

Census Of The Confederacy
Posted on 03.27.10 by Danny Glover @ 2:19 pm

It’s time for another induction into the “Redneck Hall of Shame.” This time the dishonor goes to the outside-the-box thinkers at the Southern Legal Resource Center, who, with a straight face, are telling Southerners to claim their heritage as “Confederate Southern Americans” on their census forms. Why? So they can qualify for protection under civil rights law:

“We can start the process to give the southern community here in America a voice again, so that our concerns will be heard, and so that we will stop being harassed and persecuted because we are proud of our southern and Confederate ancestry.”

It’s true that many Southerners are unfairly ridiculed, usually with the all-encompassing insult “redneck” that inspired this blog. But to argue that such attacks qualify as harassment and persecution that qualifies for federal protection is bizarre — especially coming from a group that can’t let go of the Confederate flag. Characters like that need a heavy dose of enlightenment.


Filed under: Culture and Government and History and Redneck Hall Of Shame
Comments: 1 Comment

The Redneck Winter Olympics
Posted on 02.26.10 by Danny Glover @ 12:04 pm

It’s time for another addition to the “Redneck Hall of Shame.” This time, it’s the entire Canadian women’s hockey team for the total lack of class and sportsmanship they showed after defeating the United States 2-0 yesterday to win gold.

The women of the Canadian hockey team politely accepted their gold medals and waved to an adoring crowd. And then the real celebration began.

More than half an hour after they beat the United States 2-0 on Thursday, the players came back from the locker room and staged a party on ice - swigging from bottles of champagne, guzzling beer and smoking cigars. …

Meghan Agosta and Marie-Philip Poulin posed wearing goofy grins. Rebecca Johnston actually tried to drive the ice-resurfacing machine. Haley Irwin poured champagne into the mouth of Tessa Bonhomme, gold medals swinging from both their necks.

The celebration raised eyebrows at the IOC, which said it would look into the matter. Informed of the antics by the Associated Press, Gilbert Felli, the IOC’s executive director of the Olympic Games, said it was “not what we want to see.”

Other entrants into the “Redneck Hall of Shame” courtesy of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, British Columbia: U.S. half-pipe bronze medalist Scotty Lago, who left town after racy celebration photos surfaced; and Canadian Jon Montgomery, who after winning gold in the skeleton race “marched triumphantly through the town, guzzling beer straight from the pitcher.”


Filed under: News & Politics and People and Redneck Hall Of Shame and Sports
Comments: 1 Comment

The Confederate Flag: A Symbol Of Idiocy
Posted on 02.20.10 by Danny Glover @ 12:26 pm

I wish Southerners would abandon their obsession with the Confederate flag as the best symbol of their heritage because too many racists have made it a symbol of idiocy, and their bad behavior is giving rednecks a bad name.

The latest example is the anonymous loser in South Carolina who planted the flag in the yard of James Case and his wife, an interracial couple. The loser is the newest dishonoree in the “Redneck Hall of Shame.”

Brian Hicks, a columnist at The Post and Courier, rightly took him to task in print:

With a thing like this, people quickly make up their minds. If it walks like a redneck and talks like a redneck, it must be a redneck — what other motive could there be?

So whoever you geniuses are, thanks for perpetuating ugly stereotypes about South Carolina. Just when we thought we were out, they pull us back in. …

“I’m sure the flag is not racist to a lot of people,” Case said. “But when it’s used like that, I don’t think there is any other interpretation.”

That’s exactly right. Not everyone who is interested in, or commemorates, our state’s history is a racist. But anyone who would do this most assuredly is. There is a big difference, and it’s something more people need to realize.

True rednecks need to realize it more than anyone and loudly condemn everyone who uses the Confederate flag to make a racist statement. And think twice about using the flag at all. Like it or not, the flag has been forever tarnished because of the racists who embraced it as a symbol of segregation.


Filed under: Culture and Hatin' On Rednecks and News & Politics and Redneck Hall Of Shame
Comments: 4 Comments

Insider Trading In Journalism
Posted on 02.10.10 by Danny Glover @ 6:11 pm

Thinking outside the media box is dangerous. Media companies need to be forward-thinking and both willing and able to adapt quickly if they hope to survive and thrive in a changing marketplace. But thinking unconventionally may lead to behaving unscrupulously.

The proof is in this new and utterly unethical media business model:

IBusiness Reporting plans to report on companies that may be engaging in fraudulent practices (kinda like the ones Minkow engaged in way back when) and fund its reporting through shortselling the stocks of those companies. If the stock price drops after the outlet reports negative information about the company, IBR makes money.

Let’s say that again. There are no ads on the site. No endowments. Nothing of the sort. When one of IBR’s staff, who has taken the position that such-and-such stock will go down, reports information that makes the stock go down, IBR makes money.

One man behind the operation, Barry Minkow, went to jail for orchestrating a Ponzi scheme, so his willingness to cross the boundaries of ethical behavior is no surprise. But Los Angeles Times reporter William Lobdell, who should know better than to engage in such conflicts of interest, is running iBusiness Reporting. His involvement tarnishes the reputation of journalism.

IBR’s business model is a perverted form of insider trading. IBR is buying stocks in companies with the intent of making money by driving down share values. Hopefully, this scheme will be short-lived.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ...
Comments: None

Janet Napolitano Beclowns Herself
Posted on 12.27.09 by Danny Glover @ 4:04 pm

A terrorist nearly exploded an airplane loaded with 300 passengers in mid-flight by igniting a bomb built into his underwear, and the response from America’s head clown of homeland security, Janet Napolitano, is this: “The system worked.”

Dear Mr. President, please heed the advice of Jonah Goldberg: Fire Napolitano!

And dear CNN, please send Candy Crowley back to journalism school for a refresher course on the essential follow-up question. It is inexcusable that she let a top government official contend that the “system worked” without then asking whether the U.S. homeland security system is based upon “having a passenger quick, brave and smart enough to fly over other passengers to get the guy.”

UPDATE, 12/28: Napolitano today recanted her “system worked” analysis, embracing the tried-and-false explanation that her quote was taken out of context. “Our system did not work in this instance,” she said. “No one is happy or satisfied with that.”


Filed under: Government and Media and News & Politics and People and Photoshop Stop
Comments: 3 Comments

Obama’s Jokers
Posted on 12.24.09 by Danny Glover @ 5:01 pm

Posters with members of Congress decorated as the Joker from Batman fame have been surfacing around the country and online since the Senate struck a corrupt deal to overhaul the U.S. health-care system. They are being called “Obama’s jokers.”

All of their political careers should end as a result of their votes.


Filed under: Government and Health and Just For Laughs and News & Politics and Photoshop Stop
Comments: None

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