Tracking The Trout Truck
Posted on 05.03.17 by Danny Glover @ 8:57 pm

I had no idea that some of my fellow West Virginians track trout trucks to game the fish-stocking process, let alone that the problem is severe enough to warrant regulation for safety reasons:

It is not uncommon for [hatchery] personnel to arrive at a stream to deposit fish and have 15 to 20 people sitting there and waiting on the stock truck. The advancement of the smart phone and rapid communication along with social media is also fueling what has been a longtime problem. … It has been so bad, they’ve been struck in the face by flying lures and treble hooks.

These “fishermen” are like “hunters” who bait game. They’re lazy, and they give enlightened rednecks a bad name.


Filed under: Fishing and Government and News & Politics and Redneck Hall Of Shame and Rednecks and West Virginia
Comments: None

‘All About Dat Beard’
Posted on 12.25.16 by Danny Glover @ 5:28 pm

A Facebook friend shared a music video parody called “All About Dat Beard” in my news feed today. Posting it here seems like a good follow-up to my decision to don beard ornaments last night. Merry Christmas to all you fellow long-bearded men — and to your “better halves” who hate your facial hair!


Filed under: Culture and Just For Laughs and Music and Redneck Humor and Redneck Music and Redneck Musical Interlude and Video
Comments: None

The Sad Life Of Being A W.Va. Expatriate
Posted on 11.29.16 by Danny Glover @ 7:16 pm

It periodically occurs to me, as it did when I heard this song, that I’ve now lived more of my life outside West Virginia than in it. That makes me sad.


Filed under: Music and Redneck Musical Interlude and Video and West Virginia
Comments: None

Lifestyles Of The Rich And Redneck
Posted on 06.09.14 by Danny Glover @ 8:37 am

About 15 miles north of downtown Atlanta, just inside the Interstate 285 loop that encircles the metropolitan area, there’s a mansion that screams enlightened redneck.

The enlightened features include:

  • European gated estate totaling 7,000 square feet on nearly two acres;
  • Two-story foyer with a marble floor and elegant staircase;
  • Living room with a cathedral ceiling and limestone kitchen counter;
  • Master bedroom (one of seven) with a fireplace and a spa bathroom;
  • Rooms galore for dining, recreation and more;
  • And a fireplace, heated in-ground pool, spa and gazebo outside.

Now for the redneck rooms of the estate, located in a separate “two-story entertainment building.” These two pictures from the Coldwell Banker listing are worth any 2,000 words I could muster to describe the rooms:

For a cool $1.499 million, this home in Sandy Springs can be yours. But the collection of stuffed animals doesn’t appear to be part of the package.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Culture and Hunting & Guns and Rednecks and Wildlife
Comments: 1 Comment

Farewell ‘High-Tech Redneck’ George Jones
Posted on 04.27.13 by Danny Glover @ 12:10 am

This morning as my Facebook feed filled with the news that country music legend George Jones had died at age 81, my mind drifted to his 1993 hit song “High-Tech Redneck.” I am one, so the song is perfect fodder for this blog as a tribute to Jones. But as you watch the video and listen to the lyrics, think about how outdated the high-tech redneck of 1993 is today:

Did you catch the size of the headphones on the dog in that video and the cell phone that Jones pulls out at the end? What about the talk of VCRs, cassette tapes and CB radios? Or the reference to a “plugged in” bumpkin? Any redneck celebrating those “advances” today most definitely would fall into the bumpkin category!


Filed under: History and Music and News & Politics and People and Redneck Music and Redneck Musical Interlude and Rednecks and Video
Comments: None

Redneck Artistry In Action
Posted on 04.21.13 by Danny Glover @ 11:26 pm

This is how you make a masterpiece, redneck style:

My wife watched the video with me and wants to buy me one of the paintings, especially once she realized the artist, Heather LaCroix, is from Louisiana.


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Culture and Family and Features and Human Interest and Media and Parenting and People and Rednecks and Video
Comments: None

The Dangers Of ‘Butt Chugging’
Posted on 09.26.12 by Danny Glover @ 4:05 pm

I attended a university with a storied reputation as one of the nation’s top party schools — sadly, we reclaimed the No. 1 spot this year — but I had the good sense to avoid the party scene and the people who loved it. In other words, I kept my distance from fraternity row.

Stories like this, which make it tough to rebut redneck stereotypes, remind me why:

Campus police went to the student’s fraternity house, Pi Kappa Alpha (aka Pike), to find out [why he had a deadly blood-alcohol content of nearly .40]. They found at least three males passed out — and this scene, as described by a Knoxville police spokesman in a Monday statement that was obtained by The [Washington] Post:

“Upon extensive questioning it is believed that members of the fraternity were utilizing rubber tubing inserted into their rectums as a conduit for alcohol, as the abundance of capillaries and blood vessels present greatly heightens the level and speed of the alcohol entering the blood stream as it bypasses the filtering by the liver.”

If you ask me, every way to get drunk (or drinking booze in general) is stupid. But “butt chugging” definitely rises to a new level of stupidity. As Hot Air blogger Ed Morrissey noted on Twitter: “I thought I knew every stupid way to get drunk. Sadly, I was mistaken.”


Filed under: Culture and Hatin' On Rednecks and News & Politics and Redneck Hall Of Shame and Rednecks and West Virginia
Comments: None

USA Today Is Proud Of Its ‘Cool Balls’
Posted on 09.14.12 by Danny Glover @ 2:33 pm

When designers and marketers think outside the box, this is what you get: “I have a dream … that one day all Americans will join hands and declare their undying love for our balls.”

That’s how graphic artist Sam Ward began describing his vision for remaking the USA Today logo, the cornerstone of a rebranding campaign by America’s second-largest newspaper. And it only got worse from there. Sadly, USA Today chief marketing officer Maryam Banikarim liked Ward’s vision so much that she shared it in detail with the whole team, complete with repeated, anatomically suggestive references to “balls.”

The memo sounds like it was written by a teenage boy — one determined to ply his creative trade outside the box:

Whenever anyone steps outside the boundaries of the box it will create a stir. In fact, nothing good can be created without stepping outside the box. No, let me rephrase that; nothing can be created at all without stepping outside the box. Our balls could be our boldest statement; our chance to engage readers on a level that we currently are not doing.

The memo earned plenty of well-deserved scorn from readers of media reporter Jim Romenesko. Here are samples of the feedback on his Facebook page:

  • “A CMO who thinks ’sophisticated’ readers will enjoy jokes about balls? What a boob! (Maybe they could let her go and hire a dozen reporters.)”
  • “This is the same newspaper that sacked three veteran women staffers a few years ago because they dared to touch the “big blue ball” statue in one of the then-new Gannett towers out in Tysons Corner. Perhaps it’s a metaphor for that kind of ‘management’ and their recent “success.’”
  • “As our boss wondered: Did we wake up and fast-forward to April 1?”
  • “How much did they pay The Onion [a satire publication] to write this memo?”
  • “Cue Beavis. ‘Heh, heh. He said “our balls.”‘”

Sam Ward and Maryam Banikarim, you are definitely “outsiders” — and that’s not a good thing.


Filed under: Business and Media and Outside The Box and People
Comments: None

Candy Corn Oreos: Halloween Trick Or Treat?
Posted on 09.07.12 by Danny Glover @ 4:22 pm

The question in the headline is rhetorical. Anyone who would corrupt the sweet Oreos combination of chocolate wafers and vanilla cream with the horrid flavor mix that is candy corn obviously is perpetrating a vicious Halloween trick on American consumers.

Unfortunately, Candy Corn Oreos are not an imaginary nightmare on Main Street. They are about to become a reality at Target stores thanks to some evil marketing genius with a sick sense of humor.

The news is all over the Internet today, and I knew before I read it that someone covering the story was sure to use the phrase “outside the box,” which too often is synonymous with bad ideas.

I’ve explained my animosity toward that phrase before. Now, with the introduction of Candy Corn Oreos, I’ve decided to revive my regular ridicule of the concept with a new feature on this blog. Consider this the first official installment of “Outside The Box.”

While we’re talking about nasty attempts at sweet treats, enjoy comedian Tim Hawkins’ take on the subject to start your weekend:


Filed under: Advertising and Business and Food and Holidays and Human Interest and Just For Laughs and Outside The Box and People and Video
Comments: None

Sticking It To The HOA Man
Posted on 12.24.11 by Danny Glover @ 6:27 pm

I decided long ago never to buy a home on property controlled by an association of nib-noses who love to impose elitist rules on others. As an enlightened being, I don’t decorate our property with tire planters or cars jacked up on blocks, but the redneck in me cherishes the freedom to do so.

That’s why I like to see people who do choose to live within developments managed by homeowners associations stick it to the HOA man when he goes on a ridiculous and unjustifiable power trip. Overbearing rules usually have loopholes that are ripe for exploitation.

A Facebook friend found just such a loophole during the holidays when her HOA decided to play Grinch. Her understated Christmas decorations — two red bows on the porch pillars and lanterns in the lawn — apparently violated the letter of the association’s lame laws about “seasonal decorations.” The HOA ordered her to remove them.

She didn’t face any fines for the alleged breach, so she decided to keep the decorations in place. But the warning letter from the HOA irritated her and her husband so much that they decided to protest by also decorating their car in Christmas lights. “There is NOTHING in the rules prohibiting decorating your car with Christmas lights,” she said.

Take that, HOA!


Filed under: An Enlightened Redneck ... and Business and Culture and Family and Features and Holidays and Parenting and Photoshop Stop
Comments: None

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