The Enlightened Redneck

Posted on 03.11.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 1:37 pm

In my new role as the editorial director of Digital Society, I’ve been focused like a laser on high-speed Internet the past few weeks. The FCC will be releasing its national broadband plan in six days, so leaders of the commission have been making the rounds on the speaking circuit to promote pieces of the plan.

The central message of the plan is that all Americans need broadband access — Commissioner Michael Copps this week even joined the chorus of people proclaiming it as a “right” — so the government must take steps to ensure that the poor, minorities, the elderly and, yes, rednecks in rural areas are enlightened by the Internet.

The FCC is so committed to selling its plan that Chairman Julius Genachowski spoke to the Country Music Association’s board of directors at its meeting in Washington yesterday.

Of course, country bumpkins are way too backward to understand the high-tech lingo of the FCC, so Genachowski’s staff translated his speech into “Nashvillese” that features country music titles:

When I think of those “Country Roads” and “Wide Open Spaces” without broadband, I “Fall to Pieces” and say that’s “Crazy.” We need to address these “Unanswered Prayers.”

As FCC chairman, I have friends in high places and “Friends in Low Places,” and I’m pulled to and fro on policy issues, but “I Walk the Line.” That’s because telecom politics is like a “Ring of Fire.” First I have Senator Rockefeller telling me about a “Coal Miner’s Daughter” who can’t get wireless service in some “Foggy Mountain Breakdown.” Next, “I’m on the Road Again” to where “The Grass is Blue” and “A Boy Named Sue” stops me and says we need super-duper fast broadband all the way from “Boulder to Birmingham”” — and beyond, to “Galveston” and “El Paso.” He complains that his slow dial-up service can’t get to “Amarillo by Morning” and laments that America has gone round and round for years without a National Broadband Plan and plaintively asks, “Will the Circle Be Unbroken?”

I explain — to the “Boy Named Sue” — that this issue is “Always on my Mind” and the lack of a plan should not make him “Hurt” or a “Man of Constant Sorrow” with his “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain.” Instead, I tell him to “Take it Easy” — “Don’t Rock the Jukebox” … just try to “Keep on the Sunny Side” and dream “Sweet Dreams” — because A National Broadband Plan is coming. Next week.”

Don’t you feel so much more enlightened about broadband now?

Camp Ice Cream

Posted on 03.11.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 12:11 pm

You gotta love a grandma who will go the extra mile — or, in this case, the extra two days — to get her grandson a memorable ice-cream treat:

Michelle Cuestas of Green Bay used two vacation days and camped out for 43 hours to make sure her grandson would be first in line for the 2010 opening of a Stevens Point ice-cream landmark. …

Cuestas arrived Wednesday at 4 p.m. She planned to spend the night in her car but after locking her keys in the car, she instead slept in the Belts bathroom. Brayden arrived Thursday morning. The two passed the last 24 hours playing games, reading and drawing.

It reminds me of the good ol’ days when my wife camped in the streets of our nation’s capital to get our kids tickets to the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, which is just weeks away. Alas, President Obama killed that family tradition last year.

But the local ice-cream shop just opened, so I’m taking the family there for a treat today — after we scarf some Costco pizza for lunch.

Filed under: Family and Food and Human Interest
Comments: None

Redneck Bigotry: It’s Academic

Posted on 03.07.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 10:55 pm

While redneck bigotry emanates from the mouths of ignoramuses in Washington, Hollywood and other elite coastal locales with great regularity, it’s rare in the heartland. But the elites do find their way to places like Nebraska now and then — usually at institutions of so-called higher learning.

So it is with Josh Loomis, a writer for the Daily Nebraskan, the school paper at the University of Nebraska. Like most journalists at college publications — even at places like my alma mater, West Virginia University — Loomis looks down his highbrow nose at people who cling to their guns, wear camouflage, drive trucks and know how to have a good time.

He tries to pretend, based on his major (fisheries and wildlife) and his companions, that he’s just one of the redneck boys. But Loomis’ column about the “Top 10 Things You Might/Might Not Know About Rednecks” oozes with condescension. Here are three tidbits that stood out to me:

“All rednecks (at least redneck men), either chew (’chaw’) or smoke. If they tell you they don’t do either of them, they are lyin’.”
“Four-wheel drive isn’t an option: It’s a necessity.”
“Beer. Rednecks of both sexes love beer.”

I despise tobacco; I’m a lifelong tee-teetotaler; and although I’d love to own a four-wheel-drive truck, I drive a recalled Toyota. But I’m proud to wear the redneck label.

Loomis clearly needs to be enlightened as to the diverse ways of the redneck. The stereotypes hatched in his academic mind are not a reflection of reality.

Filed under: Culture and Hatin' On Rednecks and Media and People and Rednecks
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Why We Home-School, Lesson #25

Posted on 02.26.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 7:43 pm

Last week, first lady Michelle Obama launched the “Let’s Move” campaign to fight childhood obesity in America and “raise a healthier generation of kids.” Today, a pre-teen relative of mine who shall remain anonymous posted this note about his new school to Facebook:

lunch is awesome a snack bar with poptarts, rice krispies, muffins slushies cookies giant soft pretzels frozen treats gatorade & every fri. papa …johns pizza vanilla milk juice any time & 2 differrent meals each day but my school is really old

So our public schools are stuffing kids full of sugar- and fat-laced snacks but apparently not teaching them capitalization, punctuation and other basic rules of grammar. Parents might as well send their kids to a candy store for classes — which may be their best chance for employment if they don’t start learning how to write.

It’s enough to make an enlightened redneck journalist like me scream.

(Read previous “Why We Home-School” lessons.)

Filed under: Culture and Food and Grammar and News & Politics and Why We Home-School
Comments: 1 Comment

A Redneck Boy And His Stuffed Tiger

Posted on 02.21.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 1:18 pm

I loved the comic strip “Calvin & Hobbes.” It’s the one strip I rushed to read in the daily newspaper, and I purchased several of the compilations creator Bill Watterson sold in book form.

I still remember the strip that hooked me as a Calvin fan for life. Calvin burped, prompting the typical adult reply from his mother: “Calvin! What do we say after that?” Here’s how the conversation went next:

Calvin: Must be a barge coming through!
Mom: WHAT do you say?!
Calvin: That sure tasted better going down than coming up!
Mom: Three strikes and you’re history, kiddo.
Calvin, sheepishly: Excuse me.

Classic! Calvin was a redneck through and through. So was his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, who came to life in Calvin’s imagination and the strip. But their creator is an enlightened redneck.

Readers may have never thought about Watterson’s personal choices when they read the strip, but that strength of character echoed throughout his work. “Calvin and Hobbes” is complex, thoughtful and thought provoking. Calvin and Hobbes aren’t plastic and one-dimensional. …

[They are] a hyper-imaginative kid and his pet tiger who may or may not be real, depending on who’s looking at him. But that’s just the surface. That doesn’t really begin to explain Watterson’s unique storytelling device in which readers switch between the world as Calvin sees it — a fantastical place — and as adults see it — a cut ‘n’ dried conventional reality. You need to immerse yourself in “Calvin and Hobbes” to truly understand it. Sure, you could read one strip, get the gag and move on with your life, but you’d be missing out.

I sure do miss Watterson’s work, which ran for only a decade. So do millions of other fans.
(more…)

Filed under: Books and Entertainment and Human Interest and Just For Laughs and Media and People and Redneck Humor
Comments: None

Redneckedness Is No Joke

Posted on 02.21.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 8:33 am

My father forwarded this e-mail to me months ago, but I just rediscovered it in my inbox. The message is consistent with the theme of this blog, so it’s worth a reprint:

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It’s time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I’d choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit — that’s what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya’ll know who ya ’ll are.

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, ‘One nation, under God.’

You might be a redneck if: You’ve never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if: You still say ‘ Christmas’ instead of ‘Winter Festival.’

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if: You’ve never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if: You’d give your last dollar to a friend.

Filed under: Culture and Rednecks and Religion
Comments: None

The World’s Strongest Redneck …

Posted on 02.20.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 1:28 pm

… is also an enlightened redneck who showcases his strength in ways designed to grab the attention of children for important messages. Steve McGranahan is the man, and he demonstrated his technique to a reporter for WNCT-TV in North Carolina.

“Well what I do is, basically, I take household objects and I destroy them with a life lesson behind them,” McGranahan said. “We don’t want the kids to quit school in the 10th grade, or let Jack come into their lives and influence them with drugs and alcohol because Jack wants to come into your life — and rip everything you have apart.”

You can learn more about McGranahan’s shtick at his Web site, which includes videos and pictures of him at work.

Filed under: Entertainment and Human Interest and People and Rednecks and Video
Comments: None

The Confederate Flag: A Symbol Of Idiocy

Posted on 02.20.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 12:26 pm

I wish Southerners would abandon their obsession with the Confederate flag as the best symbol of their heritage because too many racists have made it a symbol of idiocy, and their bad behavior is giving rednecks a bad name.

The latest example is the anonymous loser in South Carolina who planted the flag in the yard of James Case and his wife, an interracial couple. The loser is the newest dishonoree in the “Redneck Hall of Shame.”

Brian Hicks, a columnist at The Post and Courier, rightly took him to task in print:

With a thing like this, people quickly make up their minds. If it walks like a redneck and talks like a redneck, it must be a redneck — what other motive could there be?

So whoever you geniuses are, thanks for perpetuating ugly stereotypes about South Carolina. Just when we thought we were out, they pull us back in. …

“I’m sure the flag is not racist to a lot of people,” Case said. “But when it’s used like that, I don’t think there is any other interpretation.”

That’s exactly right. Not everyone who is interested in, or commemorates, our state’s history is a racist. But anyone who would do this most assuredly is. There is a big difference, and it’s something more people need to realize.

True rednecks need to realize it more than anyone and loudly condemn everyone who uses the Confederate flag to make a racist statement. And think twice about using the flag at all. Like it or not, the flag has been forever tarnished because of the racists who embraced it as a symbol of segregation.

Filed under: Culture and Hatin' On Rednecks and News & Politics and Redneck Hall Of Shame
Comments: 2 Comments

The Blog Bash At FreedomWorks

Posted on 02.19.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 9:47 am

Conservatives are the talk of the town in Washington this week because of the annual Conservative Political Action Conference that started yesterday, and FreedomWorks joined the festivities by hosting a “blog bash” at its headquarters last night. My wife and I were there.

Hot Air has the proof in picture. By sheer luck, we happened to be chatting with James Joyner of Outside the Beltway when FreedomWorks honored Ed Morrissey of Hot Air as its “Blogger of the Year.” My hot wife, Kimberly, is in the hot pink blouse in the right of the photo, and I’m the dude next to her having a really bad hair night. (I really need a haircut!)

Kudos to my friend Ed for the much-deserved honor. He also will be honored as CPAC’s “Blogger of the Year” today. Ed was one of the first bloggers I met after starting Beltway Blogroll for National Journal in 2005, and he is among the most thoughtful and fair-minded bloggers on the Web. If you don’t already read Hot Air, now under new management, then you should.

I blog there occasionally myself in Hot Air’s Greenroom. I just posted an entry there this morning in my new role as the editorial director of the free-market think tank Digital Society. The topic is the left’s spooky vision for media reform. Here’s an excerpt:

It took 90 minutes but Tuesday evening’s panel discussion about the future of news ultimately devolved into a predictable attack by media “reformers” on commercial media and communications companies that see the Internet as their “plaything.”

The panelists — Robert McChesney and John Nichols of Free Press, Jane Hamsher of the blog Firedoglake, and Ivan Roman of the National Association of Hispanic Journalists — all said their ideas for media reform depend first and foremost upon winning a fight for control of the Internet. Their idea of victory is government oversight and massive federal spending. …

McChesney accused phone and cable companies of having a business model aimed at “buying off politicians.” He called them monopolists who want “to take over and effectively privatize the Internet, make it their private plaything.”

McChesney’s rant against an imagined “rip off” perpetrated by “commercial media” is consistent with his oft-stated (but under-reported) “ultimate goal” of dismantling the capitalist system in general and getting rid of the “media capitalists” in particular. His perverted vision of a “free” press features a government that has regulatory and financial influence over both the infrastructure underpinning journalism and the people producing it.

Read the whole thing, and stay tuned to Digital Society for analysis of technology policy and how it can help or hurt America’s burgeoning digital culture and commerce.

Filed under: Blogging and Family and Government and Media and News & Politics and People and Technology
Comments: None

Barack Obama Is ‘Not Believable’

Posted on 02.12.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 9:10 pm

That’s what Sen. Jay Rockefeller, a Democrat from my home, coal-producing state of West Virginia said about the president’s conflicting statements and actions on clean-coal technology. “He’s beginning to be not believable to me,” Rockefeller said.

As Don Surber of the Charleston Daily Mail helpfully reminded his readers, Rockefeller is the same man who said this of Obama a little more than a year ago: “He’s the president I’ve been waiting for all my life.”

Obama’s double talk and broken promises — not just on clean-coal technology but on about any issue you pick — have done wonders to open the eyes of even his biggest fans.

Filed under: Culture and Government and Human Interest and Media and News & Politics and People and Rednecks and Video and West Virginia
Comments: 1 Comment

Michelle Obama’s Fake Food

Posted on 01.14.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 10:34 am

Politicians — and apparently their wives, too — just can’t help themselves. They don’t know how to be genuine. When even their food is fake, you know everything is phony.

So it was with first lady Michelle Obama and her appearance on “Iron Chef of America,” a supposed “reality” series on the Food Network:

The produce used on the Food Network’s Jan. 3 Iron Chef of America two-hour special White House show was billed as being from the White House garden. But the show did not disclose that “stunt double vegetables” were used and not produce from the First Family’s garden.

… Viewers were not explicitly told that the vegetables in “Kitchen Stadium” were not the ones they had seen the chefs harvest. Various participants in the show misled viewers with references to “using radishes from the White House garden” and other similar mentions. Except for the honey, no food on the show came from the White House.

Mrs. Obama’s East Wing told me the vegetables picked at the White House garden that day in October were donated to a local food kitchen, so nothing went to waste. The week between the harvest the cook-off was due to “scheduling/technical” reasons.

OK, to be fair, Michelle Obama isn’t to blame for this episode of phoniness. All vegetable decisions were made by the network to fit its schedule. But the revelation (via Michelle Malkin) doesn’t make the first lady look good.

Filed under: Entertainment and Food and Human Interest and People
Comments: None

Two Cents On The Rubio-Crist Race

Posted on 01.12.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 12:35 pm

The battle for the Republican U.S. Senate nomination in Florida also has become a battle for the soul of the GOP. It pits grassroots conservatives who support underdog former state House Speaker Marco Rubio against establishment Republicans, including the campaign arm of Senate Republicans, who are backing “Republican in name only” Gov. Charlie Crist.

One of those grassroots conservatives literally shared his two cents with the National Republican Senatorial Committee when it asked him for money. The picture of his protest is priceless:

Michelle Malkin regularly posts images of such “rejected solicitations.” Political activists surely have protested in similar fashion for decades, but their messages are reaching broader audiences thanks to the Internet. Instead of one secretary seeing the protest and tossing it in the trash, thousands of readers are hearing stories that the intended recipients don’t want told.

Hopefully the bad press will awaken organizations to the reality that they had better represent the interests of their donors.

Filed under: News & Politics and People and Photography and Technology
Comments: None

The Era Of ‘Husky’ Kids

Posted on 01.08.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 10:58 am

I’m not a fan of oats, National brand or otherwise, unless they are in cookies. But I managed to fulfill National Oats’ goal of becoming a “husky” kid just the same.

That’s a good thing, right?

(Hat tip to Instapundit)

Filed under: Advertising and Culture and Food
Comments: None

Barack Obama As The Godfather

Posted on 01.05.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 10:34 pm

Glenn Reynolds spotted a surprisingly unflattering picture of President Obama on the White House Flickr page over the weekend and posted it to Instapundit. His post sparked a heated debate about the president’s body language and, predictably for the left, which sees every criticism of Obama in black and white, whether Reynolds was racist for posting it.

The blog fight was way too serious for me, so I held my tongue for once. This video, inspired by the picture that started it all, is more my speed:

Filed under: Entertainment and Just For Laughs and People and Photography and Video
Comments: 1 Comment

Read The Capitol Hill Tweet Watch Report

Posted on 01.04.10 by K. Daniel Glover @ 5:35 pm

It’s time for a bit of self-promotion: “Danny Glover is the new editor of the Capitol Hill Tweet Watch Report.”

That’s the big announcement in today’s edition of the aforementioned daily newsletter, which tracks all things policy and politics on Twitter for the Beltway crowd.

My friend and new media maven David All launched Capitol Hill Tweet Watch Report last month, and I eagerly accepted his invitation to start the new year as its editor. Here’s a snippet from the blurb about my new gig:

The year 2009 marked the emergence of Twitter as a valuable news barometer on Capitol Hill, and with more lawmakers, congressional aides, policy experts and journalists embracing the medium, 2010 promises to be a milestone year in the Twitterverse. I’m thrilled to be starting the year as the new editor of Capitol Hill Tweet Watch Report to help chronicle the news for you.

Serving as your editor is a natural outgrowth of my tenure as the author of Beltway Blogroll for National Journal from mid-2005 to early 2008. Just as the blogosphere was an unfamiliar world in official Washington back then, Twitter is now. But Twitter will quickly become just as important and influential in policy and political circles this decade as the blogosphere did in the 2000s. I’m here to try to help you make sense of it all.

If you want to push a policy message, bolster a political brand, float a trial balloon or just comment on the news of the day, you should be doing it on Twitter. But even if you haven’t figured out just how to use the tool yet, you need to be aware of how others inside the Beltway are using it to accomplish their goals. That’s why Capitol Hill Tweet Watch Report is here.

While the publication is geared toward people inside the Beltway who don’t necessarily use Twitter themselves, it’s also a useful publication for anyone who wants to keep tabs on the policy and political news in the Twitterverse. If that includes you, please subscribe to the daily e-mail, follow @tweetwatch on Twitter, and spread the word about the publication.

Filed under: Blogging and Government and Media and News & Politics and Technology
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