The Dangers Of ‘Butt Chugging’
Posted on 09.26.12 by Danny Glover @ 4:05 pm

I attended a university with a storied reputation as one of the nation’s top party schools — sadly, we reclaimed the No. 1 spot this year — but I had the good sense to avoid the party scene and the people who loved it. In other words, I kept my distance from fraternity row.

Stories like this, which make it tough to rebut redneck stereotypes, remind me why:

Campus police went to the student’s fraternity house, Pi Kappa Alpha (aka Pike), to find out [why he had a deadly blood-alcohol content of nearly .40]. They found at least three males passed out — and this scene, as described by a Knoxville police spokesman in a Monday statement that was obtained by The [Washington] Post:

“Upon extensive questioning it is believed that members of the fraternity were utilizing rubber tubing inserted into their rectums as a conduit for alcohol, as the abundance of capillaries and blood vessels present greatly heightens the level and speed of the alcohol entering the blood stream as it bypasses the filtering by the liver.”

If you ask me, every way to get drunk (or drinking booze in general) is stupid. But “butt chugging” definitely rises to a new level of stupidity. As Hot Air blogger Ed Morrissey noted on Twitter: “I thought I knew every stupid way to get drunk. Sadly, I was mistaken.”

Filed under: Culture and Hatin' On Rednecks and News & Politics and Redneck Hall Of Shame and Rednecks and West Virginia
Comments: None

USA Today Is Proud Of Its ‘Cool Balls’
Posted on 09.14.12 by Danny Glover @ 2:33 pm

When designers and marketers think outside the box, this is what you get: “I have a dream … that one day all Americans will join hands and declare their undying love for our balls.”

That’s how graphic artist Sam Ward began describing his vision for remaking the USA Today logo, the cornerstone of a rebranding campaign by America’s second-largest newspaper. And it only got worse from there. Sadly, USA Today chief marketing officer Maryam Banikarim liked Ward’s vision so much that she shared it in detail with the whole team, complete with repeated, anatomically suggestive references to “balls.”

The memo sounds like it was written by a teenage boy — one determined to ply his creative trade outside the box:

Whenever anyone steps outside the boundaries of the box it will create a stir. In fact, nothing good can be created without stepping outside the box. No, let me rephrase that; nothing can be created at all without stepping outside the box. Our balls could be our boldest statement; our chance to engage readers on a level that we currently are not doing.

The memo earned plenty of well-deserved scorn from readers of media reporter Jim Romenesko. Here are samples of the feedback on his Facebook page:

  • “A CMO who thinks ’sophisticated’ readers will enjoy jokes about balls? What a boob! (Maybe they could let her go and hire a dozen reporters.)”
  • “This is the same newspaper that sacked three veteran women staffers a few years ago because they dared to touch the “big blue ball” statue in one of the then-new Gannett towers out in Tysons Corner. Perhaps it’s a metaphor for that kind of ‘management’ and their recent “success.’”
  • “As our boss wondered: Did we wake up and fast-forward to April 1?”
  • “How much did they pay The Onion [a satire publication] to write this memo?”
  • “Cue Beavis. ‘Heh, heh. He said “our balls.”‘”

Sam Ward and Maryam Banikarim, you are definitely “outsiders” — and that’s not a good thing.

Filed under: Business and Media and Outside The Box and People
Comments: None

America Doesn’t Need ‘Government Bullies’
Posted on 09.13.12 by Danny Glover @ 4:41 pm

I have never voted for Rep. Ron Paul for president and can’t vote for his son, Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky, because he’s not from my state. But philosophically, I’m a fan of both. Listen to Sen. Paul decry the era of “Government Bullies“, the title of his new book, and you may become a fan, too.

He talked about the book on “Fox & Friends” this week:

Paul is a good spokesman for the Leave Us Alone Coalition so clearly defined by Grover Norquist of Americans for Tax Reform in his 2009 book.

Filed under: Books and Government and Media and News & Politics and People and Video
Comments: None

Petty Photographic Politics
Posted on 09.11.12 by Danny Glover @ 12:47 pm

For the record, Vice President Joe Biden did not invite a biker lady to sit on his lap. He did the gentlemanly thing and pulled up a chair so she could get her picture taken with him. A smart photographer captured the candid moments after the posed picture, and people on Twitter started a rumor about something that didn’t happen the way they saw it.

Sadly, I fell for the Twitter hype about the photo. I’m glad to have heard the rest of the story.

Also for the record, pizza entrepreneur Scott Van Duzer did hug President Obama during a campaign trip to Van Duzer’s Florida restaurant — and people are protesting the pizza shop over the hug. Obama haters flocked to the website Yelp to give Big Apple Pizza negative reviews for political rather than culinary reasons.

As an American, I support people’s right to register any political protest they desire, but I also reserve my right to expose some such antics for what they are — petty politics. Van Duzer, a Republican who voted for Obama in 2008 and plans to do so again, is right: “There’s no middle line anymore, and that’s exactly what’s wrong with our country right now.”

Scott Van Duzer appears to be a good man, and he is doing good work through his own foundation. He shouldn’t be catching business grief for hugging, or even voting for, President Obama. Disagree with his political views if you want — I do — but leave his business out of it.

If I lived in Fort Pierce, Fla., I would be heading to Big Apple Pizza to buy a pie and show my support for the right of small businessmen to freedom of political speech and action. As a conservative, I cannot expect the same — remember the Chick-fil-A uproar — but this is a clear opportunity to “treat others the same way you want them to treat you” (Luke 6:31).

Filed under: Business and Food and Human Interest and News & Politics and People and Photography and Religion
Comments: 1 Comment

Candy Corn Oreos: Halloween Trick Or Treat?
Posted on 09.07.12 by Danny Glover @ 4:22 pm

The question in the headline is rhetorical. Anyone who would corrupt the sweet Oreos combination of chocolate wafers and vanilla cream with the horrid flavor mix that is candy corn obviously is perpetrating a vicious Halloween trick on American consumers.

Unfortunately, Candy Corn Oreos are not an imaginary nightmare on Main Street. They are about to become a reality at Target stores thanks to some evil marketing genius with a sick sense of humor.

The news is all over the Internet today, and I knew before I read it that someone covering the story was sure to use the phrase “outside the box,” which too often is synonymous with bad ideas.

I’ve explained my animosity toward that phrase before. Now, with the introduction of Candy Corn Oreos, I’ve decided to revive my regular ridicule of the concept with a new feature on this blog. Consider this the first official installment of “Outside The Box.”

While we’re talking about nasty attempts at sweet treats, enjoy comedian Tim Hawkins’ take on the subject to start your weekend:

Filed under: Advertising and Business and Food and Holidays and Human Interest and Just For Laughs and Outside The Box and People and Video
Comments: None

No Rednecks Allowed In Democrats’ Tent
Posted on 09.07.12 by Danny Glover @ 12:10 pm

There may be a few rednecks rooting for President Obama, but the president’s Democratic Party certainly isn’t a welcoming place for rednecks. Behold the “party of inclusion” and “tolerance” when its members are asked just how big their tent really is:

Let’s recap that dialogue for posterity:

  • “This is so inclusive. You know, we even invite the redneck freaks in.”
  • “I would never call a redneck a name.”
  • “I don’t know, I’m thinkin’, like, a couple of teeth, you know, hair outta place, maybe a nice gut.”
  • “You’re welcome to be a Democrat unless “you’re a hunter or a gun owner, white male. … They’re a bunch of gun-totin’, hillbilly tea partiers. That’s all I have to say.”
  • “A bunch of Yosemite Sam hillbillies.”
  • “We are the big-tent party, and we will let most anybody in, unless of course they’re carrying guns. … These Christian evangelicals don’t get it because I don’t believe they ever actually read the Bible.”
  • “Wack-job, evangelical gun nuts. … I’ve always called them Nazis — and evil, even before it was appropriate.”
  • “Don’t have a clue about science, very questionable on any kind of thought that involves more than two or three sentences.”
  • “Pot-bellied … church-going … small-minded … anti-science.”
  • “The teabaggers generalize because they’re very narrow-minded people. The teabaggers are the least tolerant group I have ever seen.”

Where could all of these Democrats possibly get the inspiration for such elitist, bigoted ideas? Oh, I don’t know, maybe from the current standard-bearer of the Democratic Party?

Filed under: Hatin' On Rednecks and Hunting & Guns and Just For Laughs and News & Politics and People and Rednecks and Religion and Video
Comments: None

Pants On The Ground? No Soup For You!
Posted on 09.05.12 by Danny Glover @ 6:44 pm

This gem just surfaced in my Facebook news feed:

We need a sign like it at our local pavilion, where on Labor Day a skateboarder decided to do jumps while wearing baggy jeans. His pants fell to mid-thigh every time he hit the ground, exposing his plaid boxers for everyone else to see. Tacky!

Filed under: Culture and Just For Laughs and Photography
Comments: None

‘Bowhunter’ In The White House?
Posted on 09.04.12 by Danny Glover @ 3:35 pm

The Republican presidential ticket knows how to make a serious play for the redneck vote — pick Secret Service code names that resonate with hunters and car enthusiasts:

Paul Ryan, who received Secret Service protection last month after being picked as Mitt Romney’s running mate, has his new Secret Service code name to brandish: “Bowhunter.” A campaign official told GQ’s Marc Ambinder that Ryan — a skilled archer and deer hunter whose kills are well-documented — chose the code name himself. …

[Mitt] Romney, who has had Secret Service protection since January, is known as “Javelin” — a handle that could refer to a vintage muscle car manufactured by American Motors Corp., where Romney’s father, George, was once chairman.

Ryan’s record as an avid (and skilled) hunter earned the presidential ticket a burst of redneck enthusiasm when Romney chose him to run for vice president. The news also caused a mini-traffic spike on this blog as voters Googled Ryan’s name and found my post on his hunting prowess.

Filed under: Hunting & Guns and News & Politics and People and Rednecks and Wildlife
Comments: None

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