The Enlightened Redneck » 2010

Posted on 02.26.10 by Danny Glover @ 7:43 pm

Last week, first lady Michelle Obama launched the “Let’s Move” campaign to fight childhood obesity in America and “raise a healthier generation of kids.” Today, a pre-teen relative of mine who shall remain anonymous posted this note about his new school to Facebook:

lunch is awesome a snack bar with poptarts, rice krispies, muffins slushies cookies giant soft pretzels frozen treats gatorade & every fri. papa …johns pizza vanilla milk juice any time & 2 differrent meals each day but my school is really old

So our public schools are stuffing kids full of sugar- and fat-laced snacks but apparently not teaching them capitalization, punctuation and other basic rules of grammar. Parents might as well send their kids to a candy store for classes — which may be their best chance for employment if they don’t start learning how to write.

It’s enough to make an enlightened redneck journalist like me scream.

(Read previous “Why We Home-School” lessons.)

The Redneck Winter Olympics

Posted on 02.26.10 by Danny Glover @ 12:04 pm

It’s time for another addition to the “Redneck Hall of Shame.” This time, it’s the entire Canadian women’s hockey team for the total lack of class and sportsmanship they showed after defeating the United States 2-0 yesterday to win gold.

The women of the Canadian hockey team politely accepted their gold medals and waved to an adoring crowd. And then the real celebration began.

More than half an hour after they beat the United States 2-0 on Thursday, the players came back from the locker room and staged a party on ice - swigging from bottles of champagne, guzzling beer and smoking cigars. …

Meghan Agosta and Marie-Philip Poulin posed wearing goofy grins. Rebecca Johnston actually tried to drive the ice-resurfacing machine. Haley Irwin poured champagne into the mouth of Tessa Bonhomme, gold medals swinging from both their necks.

The celebration raised eyebrows at the IOC, which said it would look into the matter. Informed of the antics by the Associated Press, Gilbert Felli, the IOC’s executive director of the Olympic Games, said it was “not what we want to see.”

Other entrants into the “Redneck Hall of Shame” courtesy of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, British Columbia: U.S. half-pipe bronze medalist Scotty Lago, who left town after racy celebration photos surfaced; and Canadian Jon Montgomery, who after winning gold in the skeleton race “marched triumphantly through the town, guzzling beer straight from the pitcher.”

Filed under: News & Politics and People and Redneck Hall Of Shame and Sports
Comments: 1 Comment

World’s Largest Igloo

Posted on 02.23.10 by Danny Glover @ 7:01 pm

It took two Green Bay, Wis., residents nine weeks to build the igloo, which is 17 feet, 4 inches tall and 27 feet, 4 inches in diameter. They broke the previous record in the “Guinness Book Of World Records,” which was 13 feet, 8 inches tall and 25 feet, 9 inches in diameter.

Filed under: Human Interest and News & Politics and Video and Weather
Comments: None

The Untold Sarah Palin Story

Posted on 02.23.10 by Danny Glover @ 6:43 pm

In an interview with The Onion’s A.V. Club, liberal blogger Ana Marie Cox, definitely no fan of former Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin, told the story of Palin’s 2008 campaign rallies that Cox said should have been told back then:

I went to a fair number of Sarah Palin rallies during the campaign, and my friends would say, “Man, the pitchfork-wavers are really out there today.” I thought that, too, but then I started to talk to people, and they weren’t all angry. That’s just lazy.

The story that should’ve gotten written, that was really interesting to me, was how at every rally there were families with children with Down syndrome. They weren’t there to support Sarah Palin politically. They were really happy that there was someone in the national spotlight doing what they have to do every day. When you think about what it takes to take a child with Down syndrome to a political rally, I found that really moving.

Why didn’t Cox tell the story back then? Why didn’t her media colleagues? Lazy is part of the equation, as Cox admitted. But it was also more politically useful to promote the caricature of Palin fans as crazy, redneck racists than to portray them as loving, committed parents.

Filed under: Media and News & Politics and Parenting and People
Comments: None

Jonathan Allen’s Brief Political Career

Posted on 02.23.10 by Danny Glover @ 7:29 am

The revolving door between journalism and politics in establishment Washington has never spun as quickly as it did when Jonathan Allen ran through it — twice. The superstar journalist spent 40 days wandering in the political wilderness as a Democratic flack before being welcomed back to Politico with open arms.

Allen told the story of his short, unhappy life in politics to Politico readers:

From the outset, I felt like I was a reporter just masquerading as a political operative.

Now, as I leave my job at [Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz's] political action committee to make the transition back to journalism at Politico, there will be some who wonder whether I am a political operative just masquerading as a reporter.

It’s a fair question for the Republicans who may now view me with a skeptical eye, for the 300-plus congressional Democrats for whom I did not work and, above all, for Politico’s readers.

As a conservative who, like Allen, left journalism for political activism after a disillusioning layoff, I empathized with Allen’s predicament, yet my first instinct was to scoff at both his career flip-flopping and at Politico’s outside-the-media-box decision to rehire him.

Will Republicans ever answer a question from Allen without thinking twice about how he might use their answers? Will Democrats demand fluff because he is one of them? And what of Politico? Would John Harris, Jim VandeHei and company have given a second thought to rehiring a conservative under the same circumstances — or would they hire any openly conservative journalist, for that matter?

The timing of Allen’s return also was ironic in light of the stink that VandeHei and other journalists made earlier this month when Bill Sammon of Fox News dared to state the obvious — that “the mainstream media hates the tea party movement.” VandeHei had the chutzpah to go on Fox News to scold Sammon but then hired a Democratic operative as a reporter.
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Filed under: Government and Media and News & Politics and People
Comments: None

Bob Marshall’s Disability: His Mouth

Posted on 02.22.10 by Danny Glover @ 7:47 pm

Bob Marshall used to represent me in the Virginia House of Delegates, and that was great because he is passionate about many of the issues that matter most to me, including his support for home schooling and his opposition to abortion.

But today I was glad we moved to a neighboring district several years ago because Marshall certainly wasn’t representing my views when he said this last week:

The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the firstborn of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children. In the Old Testament, the firstborn of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.

Marshall quickly backtracked from his “poorly chosen words.” “No one who knows me or my record would imagine that I believe or intended to communicate such an offensive notion,” he said in a statement on his Web site. “I have devoted a generation of work to defending disabled and unwanted children, and have always maintained that they are special blessings to their parents.”

But that quote is likely to follow Marshall the rest of his career — and rightly so. Marshall referenced the Bible in his comments to the Capital News Service, so here’s a reminder of what Jesus said about men’s words in Matthew 12:

For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. … But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

My point isn’t that God will condemn Marshall eternally for his words because he did apologize (albeit in the “mistakes were made” way that politicians typically do). Besides, that’s not my place to suggest any more than it was for Marshall to suggest that God uses “nature” to visit the sin of the mother who aborts a child upon a future child. I’m just saying that politicians like Marshall say dumb things because in their hearts, they believe them to some extent.

The good news is that bad publicity has a way of making politicians change their hearts — and their words — once they hear how foolish they sound.

[Cross-posted at Hot Air]

Filed under: Health and Home Schooling and News & Politics and People
Comments: 1 Comment

Plowed Under By Government Stupidity

Posted on 02.22.10 by Danny Glover @ 12:24 pm

With mounds of snow still fresh on people’s minds — and streets — this animation has been making its way around the Web the past couple of weeks (though it appears to have been online since at least 2007):

A friend just forwarded it to me by e-mail with a note underneath that said, “Designed by the same people designing health-care reform.”

The image reminds me of a country tale I heard years ago about a well-trained rabbit dog. Hot on the scent of his prey, the dog chased the rabbit up one row of his master’s garden and down the other, passing within a foot of the rabbit repeatedly. If he had just taken a moment to stop and think, the hound would have realized that he could have cut the rabbit off at any point by just jumping over one row.

Don’t be a stupid pooch. Think before you vote!

Filed under: Government and Just For Laughs and News & Politics
Comments: None

The Queerness Of Redneck Logic

Posted on 02.22.10 by Danny Glover @ 7:44 am

Here’s a little redneck humor to start the workweek:

Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history and logic.

“What’s logic?” the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”

“I sure do.”

“Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,” replied the professor.

“That’s real good!” said the redneck.

The professor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house.”

Impressed, the redneck said, “Amazing!”

“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”

“That’s Betty Mae! This is incredible!” The redneck was catching on.

“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.

“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard! I can’t wait to take that logic class!”

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

“So what classes are ya takin’?” asked the friend.

“Math, history and logic!” replied the first redneck.

“What in tarnation is logic?” asked his friend.

“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?” asked the first redneck.

“No,” his friend replied.

“You’re queer, ain’t ya?”

As is often the case, I have no idea of the origins of this joke because it’s all over the Internet. But if somebody can lay claim to it, I’d love to give due credit on this blog.

Filed under: Just For Laughs and Redneck Humor
Comments: 1 Comment

‘Redneck Prius’ Makes A Statement

Posted on 02.21.10 by Danny Glover @ 1:38 pm

I can’t think of a better place than an “Ugly Truck Contest” for an enlightened redneck to make a statement against global warming hysteria, and that’s just what an Oregon teenager and his father did yesterday.

The classic cars gleamed and the ugly trucks did whatever rust does in sunlight, but one truck stood out:

A white and reddish orange monstrosity with more than a little political edge: “The Redneck Prius” boasted a power plug on the hood and half a bicycle on the back. A bumper sticker also let folks know “My carbon footprint is bigger than yours.” It also purported to run on “gas, electric pedal power and hot air from Washington, D.C.”

Morgan Gregory, 18, and his father Gary chopped up the bike; they got the genuine Prius decal from friends at Lassen Toyota. “We worked on it last night and this morning,” said Morgan Gregory, who lives in Shedd.

It’s too bad the Albany Democrat Herald didn’t snap a picture to illustrate the story. I would rather see what the Redneck Prius looks like than hear a description of it.

A side thought: The way things are going for Toyota, all of its cars, including the recalled Corolla I am driving, are going to have a redneck reputation before long.

Filed under: Government and Just For Laughs and News & Politics and Redneck Humor and Rednecks
Comments: None

A Redneck Boy And His Stuffed Tiger

Posted on 02.21.10 by Danny Glover @ 1:18 pm

I loved the comic strip “Calvin & Hobbes.” It’s the one strip I rushed to read in the daily newspaper, and I purchased several of the compilations creator Bill Watterson sold in book form.

I still remember the strip that hooked me as a Calvin fan for life. Calvin burped, prompting the typical adult reply from his mother: “Calvin! What do we say after that?” Here’s how the conversation went next:

Calvin: Must be a barge coming through!
Mom: WHAT do you say?!
Calvin: That sure tasted better going down than coming up!
Mom: Three strikes and you’re history, kiddo.
Calvin, sheepishly: Excuse me.

Classic! Calvin was a redneck through and through. So was his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, who came to life in Calvin’s imagination and the strip. But their creator is an enlightened redneck.

Readers may have never thought about Watterson’s personal choices when they read the strip, but that strength of character echoed throughout his work. “Calvin and Hobbes” is complex, thoughtful and thought provoking. Calvin and Hobbes aren’t plastic and one-dimensional. …

[They are] a hyper-imaginative kid and his pet tiger who may or may not be real, depending on who’s looking at him. But that’s just the surface. That doesn’t really begin to explain Watterson’s unique storytelling device in which readers switch between the world as Calvin sees it — a fantastical place — and as adults see it — a cut ‘n’ dried conventional reality. You need to immerse yourself in “Calvin and Hobbes” to truly understand it. Sure, you could read one strip, get the gag and move on with your life, but you’d be missing out.

I sure do miss Watterson’s work, which ran for only a decade. So do millions of other fans.
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Filed under: Books and Entertainment and Human Interest and Just For Laughs and Media and People and Redneck Humor
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Redneckedness Is No Joke

Posted on 02.21.10 by Danny Glover @ 8:33 am

My father forwarded this e-mail to me months ago, but I just rediscovered it in my inbox. The message is consistent with the theme of this blog, so it’s worth a reprint:

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It’s time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I’d choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit — that’s what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya’ll know who ya ’ll are.

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, ‘One nation, under God.’

You might be a redneck if: You’ve never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if: You still say ‘ Christmas’ instead of ‘Winter Festival.’

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if: You’ve never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if: You’d give your last dollar to a friend.

Filed under: Culture and Rednecks and Religion
Comments: None

Guns Don’t Kill People …

Posted on 02.20.10 by Danny Glover @ 7:32 pm

… Gun-control laws do. That’s the hidden and ironic message Don Surber of the Charleston Daily Mail found in a new Brady Campaign for Gun Control report.

“I am laughing so hard now that it is difficult to type,” Surber wrote after noting that Utah earned a grade of zero from the Brady Campaign but also has a murder rate of 1.5 per 100,000 people, with 46 percent of those murders being firearms related.

By contrast, California scored a 79 on the Brady gun-control scale, but its homicide rate is 5.83 per 100,000 and 69 percent are firearms related.

Annie, get your gun and move to a state where you can own it legally. You’ll be safer there.

Filed under: Government and Hunting & Guns and News & Politics
Comments: None

The World’s Strongest Redneck …

Posted on 02.20.10 by Danny Glover @ 1:28 pm

… is also an enlightened redneck who showcases his strength in ways designed to grab the attention of children for important messages. Steve McGranahan is the man, and he demonstrated his technique to a reporter for WNCT-TV in North Carolina.

“Well what I do is, basically, I take household objects and I destroy them with a life lesson behind them,” McGranahan said. “We don’t want the kids to quit school in the 10th grade, or let Jack come into their lives and influence them with drugs and alcohol because Jack wants to come into your life — and rip everything you have apart.”

You can learn more about McGranahan’s shtick at his Web site, which includes videos and pictures of him at work.

Filed under: Entertainment and Human Interest and People and Rednecks and Video
Comments: None

The Confederate Flag: A Symbol Of Idiocy

Posted on 02.20.10 by Danny Glover @ 12:26 pm

I wish Southerners would abandon their obsession with the Confederate flag as the best symbol of their heritage because too many racists have made it a symbol of idiocy, and their bad behavior is giving rednecks a bad name.

The latest example is the anonymous loser in South Carolina who planted the flag in the yard of James Case and his wife, an interracial couple. The loser is the newest dishonoree in the “Redneck Hall of Shame.”

Brian Hicks, a columnist at The Post and Courier, rightly took him to task in print:

With a thing like this, people quickly make up their minds. If it walks like a redneck and talks like a redneck, it must be a redneck — what other motive could there be?

So whoever you geniuses are, thanks for perpetuating ugly stereotypes about South Carolina. Just when we thought we were out, they pull us back in. …

“I’m sure the flag is not racist to a lot of people,” Case said. “But when it’s used like that, I don’t think there is any other interpretation.”

That’s exactly right. Not everyone who is interested in, or commemorates, our state’s history is a racist. But anyone who would do this most assuredly is. There is a big difference, and it’s something more people need to realize.

True rednecks need to realize it more than anyone and loudly condemn everyone who uses the Confederate flag to make a racist statement. And think twice about using the flag at all. Like it or not, the flag has been forever tarnished because of the racists who embraced it as a symbol of segregation.

Filed under: Culture and Hatin' On Rednecks and News & Politics and Redneck Hall Of Shame
Comments: 4 Comments

The Blog Bash At FreedomWorks

Posted on 02.19.10 by Danny Glover @ 9:47 am

Conservatives are the talk of the town in Washington this week because of the annual Conservative Political Action Conference that started yesterday, and FreedomWorks joined the festivities by hosting a “blog bash” at its headquarters last night. My wife and I were there.

Hot Air has the proof in picture. By sheer luck, we happened to be chatting with James Joyner of Outside the Beltway when FreedomWorks honored Ed Morrissey of Hot Air as its “Blogger of the Year.” My hot wife, Kimberly, is in the hot pink blouse in the right of the photo, and I’m the dude next to her having a really bad hair night. (I really need a haircut!)

Kudos to my friend Ed for the much-deserved honor. He also will be honored as CPAC’s “Blogger of the Year” today. Ed was one of the first bloggers I met after starting Beltway Blogroll for National Journal in 2005, and he is among the most thoughtful and fair-minded bloggers on the Web. If you don’t already read Hot Air, now under new management, then you should.

I blog there occasionally myself in Hot Air’s Greenroom. I just posted an entry there this morning in my new role as the editorial director of the free-market think tank Digital Society. The topic is the left’s spooky vision for media reform. Here’s an excerpt:

It took 90 minutes but Tuesday evening’s panel discussion about the future of news ultimately devolved into a predictable attack by media “reformers” on commercial media and communications companies that see the Internet as their “plaything.”

The panelists — Robert McChesney and John Nichols of Free Press, Jane Hamsher of the blog Firedoglake, and Ivan Roman of the National Association of Hispanic Journalists — all said their ideas for media reform depend first and foremost upon winning a fight for control of the Internet. Their idea of victory is government oversight and massive federal spending. …

McChesney accused phone and cable companies of having a business model aimed at “buying off politicians.” He called them monopolists who want “to take over and effectively privatize the Internet, make it their private plaything.”

McChesney’s rant against an imagined “rip off” perpetrated by “commercial media” is consistent with his oft-stated (but under-reported) “ultimate goal” of dismantling the capitalist system in general and getting rid of the “media capitalists” in particular. His perverted vision of a “free” press features a government that has regulatory and financial influence over both the infrastructure underpinning journalism and the people producing it.

Read the whole thing, and stay tuned to Digital Society for analysis of technology policy and how it can help or hurt America’s burgeoning digital culture and commerce.

Filed under: Blogging and Family and Government and Media and News & Politics and People and Technology
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