‘The Christmas Day Event’ In Detroit
Posted on 12.31.09 by Danny Glover @ 7:40 pm

Remember when President Obama rejected the dictionary definition of “tax” because it might undermine his push to socialize health care? Well, apparently his whole administration is under orders to engage in the same kind of linguistic obfuscation.

On Christmas Day, an al Qaeda operative tried to blow up an airplane by igniting explosives in his underwear. Normal people call that terrorism. The Obama Justice Department calls it “the Christmas Day event at Detroit metro airport.”

Perhaps that explains why Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano briefly clung to the notion that “the system worked” in deterring the “man-caused disaster.”

Obama and his minions can spin the truth and pervert the dictionary all they want, but enlightened rednecks are not fooled. We are not amused, either.

Filed under: Government and News & Politics
Comments: None

Elitist Of 2009: Stephen Fowler
Posted on 12.31.09 by Danny Glover @ 2:36 pm

Nothing says anti-American “elitism” like condescension with a British accent, and Stephen Fowler mastered it in his appearance on “Wife Swap.” His performance earns him the dishonor of “Elitist of the Year” for 2009.

By way of reminder, here are a few nuggets of bigoted wisdom from Fowler:

  • “I think the worst thing that James [Fowler's son] could do would [be to] tell me that he wanted to move to Missouri. What is wrong with the United States in the middle of the country is that people, frankly, are just like you [Gayla Long]. … Uneducated, simple and without a clue about what’s going on in the world. You are undereducated, over-opinionated, and you’re overweight.”
  • Speaking to his children: “From tomorrow, we have the pleasure of pretending we live in some podunk town in the middle of Missouri. … If you live in a podunk town, your worldview is going to be very restricted. I don’t see how someone could be offended by the term podunk town.”
  • Speaking to Gayla after she jumbled the word “agenda”: “Oh, agenda. OK, that’s a big word for you — given that your two languages appear to be bad English and redneck.”
  • Speaking to Gayla: “Look, you dumb redneck. I’ve already told you once.”
    Speaking to Alan Long: “You know, I just spent the worst week of my life with your wife. So if you expect me to bring enlightened joy into this meeting, you’re off your trolley path.”
  • Fowler and his wife — who definitely do not live in the same America as this year’s enlightened redneck winners, the tea party activists — put their California home on the market in September.

Filed under: Culture and Entertainment and Hatin' On Rednecks and News & Politics and Parenting and People
Comments: 2 Comments

Enlightened Rednecks Of 2009: Tea Partiers
Posted on 12.31.09 by Danny Glover @ 2:12 pm

I debuted this blog a little more than a year ago, and one of the first orders of business were to proclaim the winners of two new awards — “Enlightened Redneck of the Year” and “Elitist of the Year.” The honors went to Sarah Palin and Barack Obama, respectively.

With a new year about to end, it’s time to recognize this year’s winners.

First up is the award for enlightened redneck, and this year, millions of Americans get to share the honor. The award goes to tea party activists across the country, who earned the scorn of elitists everywhere for daring to take a stand against last year’s king of elitism.

Giving the award to tea partiers was a no-brainer. Bigots like actress Janeane Garofalo maligned as racist rednecks those of us who oppose Obama’s policies. But “redneck” is not a synonym for racism, and people who want Obama’s policies to fail are, in a word, enlightened to the havoc his ideas will wreak.

There are two Americas, and tea partiers live in the one ruled by the common sense hard-work ethic of enlightened rednecks:

I was tempted to give this year’s elitist award to Garofalo (or to Chris Needham, the NBC Washington bigot who trashed my fellow West Virginians and me last week). But instead, that dishonor goes to Stephen Fowler of “Wife Swap” fame.

Filed under: Culture and Government and News & Politics and People and Rednecks
Comments: 1 Comment

The 2009 ‘Cone Of Shame’ Awards
Posted on 12.31.09 by Danny Glover @ 1:31 pm

And the winners of the “Cone Of Shame” awards for 2009, according to conservative blogger Michelle Malkin, are …

  • … Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., for demanding that a general call her senator;
  • … Gov. Mark Sanford, R-S.C., for cheating on his wife and then making a fool of himself at a press conference to discuss his adultery;
  • … actress Janeane Garofalo, for her bigotry toward opponents of big government;
  • … and the “beer summit” that President Obama organized after he accused a policeman of “acting stupidly” for doing his job.
  • Watch Malkin’s explanation of the awards on “Fox & Friends”:

Filed under: News & Politics and People and Video
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The New Decade Starts Tomorrow
Posted on 12.31.09 by Danny Glover @ 12:24 pm

Every 10 years, numerical sticklers get bent out of shape when people start talking about the birth of a new decade a year before it technically begins. Exhibit A:

Ours is a decimal system, based on the numbers 1 through 10, and when you count things – be they apples, fingers, cars or years – you begin with 1.

This is because if you don’t have at least one, you have nothing to count. Calling 2009 the end of the decade is akin to telling a child to count his fingers as follows, 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and telling him: “You have 10 fingers.”

As final emphasis, in our decimal system, any number ending in zero is the final number in a group of 10. A number ending in two zeroes is the final number in a group of a hundred, whilst three zeroes is the last in a group of a thousand, etc.

Why is this hard for otherwise intelligent people to grasp?

My enlightened redneck take on this faux controversy: Saying that 2010 is the start of a new decade is numerically incorrect but aesthetically pleasing. Rather than quibble every 10 years over when a decade technically starts, I have concluded that the first decade had nine years, and every one since has had 10. The same concept applies to centuries and millennia.

I guess that makes me “otherwise intelligent.” But as an enlightened redneck, I’m OK with that.

Filed under: Culture and Human Interest and News & Politics
Comments: None

Make 2010 A Biblical New Year
Posted on 12.31.09 by Danny Glover @ 10:42 am

The Bible is indeed a transformational work of spiritual art, so I am intrigued by this four-step plan for a New Year’s resolution from Joe Carter at First Thoughts:

  • Choose a book of the Bible.
  • Read it in its entirety.
  • Repeat step two 20 times.
  • Repeat this process for all books of the Bible.

I, for one, plan to give it a go, and I hope and pray that come this time next year, I will be in the “tiny minority … that will recognize the genius behind the process and apply it to their own life. This group will later say that my claim was an understatement.”

Filed under: Religion
Comments: None

Note To Self: Avoid Sweden
Posted on 12.30.09 by Danny Glover @ 11:05 pm

As the parent of three home-schooled children, I don’t want to visit a country that seizes children from parents who see themselves as the best educators:

Swedish authorities forcibly removed Dominic Johansson from his parents, Christer and Annie Johansson, in June of last year from a plane they had boarded to move to Annie’s home country of India. The officials did not have a warrant, nor have they charged the Johanssons with any crime. The officials seized the child because they believe home schooling is an inappropriate way to raise a child and insist the government should raise Dominic instead.

“It’s one of the most disgraceful abuses of power we have ever witnessed,” said [Homeschool Legal Defense Association] attorney Mike Donnelly. “The Swedish government says it is exercising its authority under the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child in their unnecessary break up of this family. In addition, the Swedish Parliament is considering an essential ban on home schooling. We have heard that other home-schooling families in Sweden are having more difficulty with local officials. We fear that all home-schooling families in that country are at risk.”

I’d like to think a crime against parents like that could never happen in America, but the undercurrent of animosity toward homeschoolers that prompted a California court to rule against parents in 2008 may be strong enough to this country in that direction one day.

Filed under: Government and Home Schooling and News & Politics and Parenting
Comments: 1 Comment

The Fingerstache: A Terrible Tattoo Trend
Posted on 12.28.09 by Danny Glover @ 5:26 pm

I must admit that I am, quite happily, way behind the tattoo curve. Apparently people have been carving images of mustaches into their fingers for years without me noticing the juvenile trend. Fans of the “fingerstache” have their own online community and a Wikipedia page, too.

But hopefully the fingerstache is a passing fad that will pass from this world soon. It has just been named on of the “14 Terrible Tattoo Trends.”

Enlightened rednecks know that all tattoos, whether trendy or not, are terrible ideas. But some tattoos, fingerstaches included, are worse than others.

Filed under: Culture
Comments: None

Until Death Do Us Part
Posted on 12.26.09 by Danny Glover @ 12:13 pm

You might be a redneck … if you plan your husband’s funeral before he dies:

My wife just received a series of text messages about the date and time of a funeral to take place about a week from now. This was not especially surprising as the man had been ill for some time. After a few calls to get details, my wife discovered that the man was still alive! He had taken a turn for the worse and was in a coma, so his wife had decided to go ahead and schedule the funeral.

The response from “Dear Prudence“:

It is rather chilling that the wife is texting everyone with the news. … I suppose you can be grateful that as a further convenience, she’s not sending around advance information about her wedding gift registry in case she finds a candidate for remarriage.

Call me crazy, but I think when a man or woman says “until death do us part,” it implies that he or she will patiently, and anxiously, wait for the day to arrive rather than plan it in advance.

(Hat tip to Instapundit)

Filed under: Culture and Just For Laughs
Comments: None

Enjoy Your Vacation, Mr. President
Posted on 12.26.09 by Danny Glover @ 11:41 am

I always hated it when liberals took cheap shots at President Bush and his family for enjoying the luxuries of life they can afford by nature of good fortune. I hate cheap shots at President Obama and his family for the same reason.

Come Jan. 1, I will be among the 10 percent of unemployed Americans. Our family has been tightening our belt all year knowing this day was coming. Even in better times, we never could have dreamed of renting a secluded and ritzy Hawaiian mansion for $4,000 a night.

But I don’t begrudge the president and his family doing it, in good times for the nation or in bad, when they have been so richly blessed.

The fact that taxpayers must foot part of the bill for presidential vacations does give me pause. But presidents make personal sacrifices for their country — the loss of privacy, the always-on-call nature of the job, the constant and often vicious criticism — and the reality is that they couldn’t vacation like the average Joe if they wanted.

Don’t give them grief over embracing the luxuries of the job, I say. Every American would do the same given the opportunity.

So enjoy your vacation, Mr. President. Consider it the fruits of this great country you serve. But when you get back to Washington, just please remember how blessed you are and don’t destroy with your policies the opportunities the rest of us have to feast on those fruits someday, too.

Filed under: Government and Holidays and News & Politics and People and Video
Comments: None

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