Country singer Billy Carrington has a hit song whose lyrics include the phrase “God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.” I’d like to amend that statement with a dose of enlightenment: God is great, beer is crud, and rednecks would be a lot less crazy if they quit drinking booze.

In case it isn’t obvious by now, this enlightened redneck is a teetotaler.

I know it’s hard to believe. If there’s one thing people associate with rednecks, it’s liquor — from the hard stuff (Jack Daniels) to the soft stuff (pick a beer) to the illegal, homemade stuff (moonshine). But it’s all bad news, if you ask me.

On second thought, don’t ask me. Just listen to the lyrics of Brad Paisley’s hit song “Alcohol,” which perfectly captures the idiocy that ensues after alcohol consumption.

Here are some of Paisley’s pearls of wisdom:

• I can make you believe any lie.
• I’ve been known to cause a few births.
• I can … get you fired from work.
• I got blamed … for those naked pictures of you at the beach.
• You had some of the best times you’ll never remember with me.
• I’ll bet you a drink or two that I can make you put that lampshade on your head.

I loved the song when it was released on the radio. Then I saw the video and realized that despite the honesty of the lyrics, Paisley intended the song as a celebration of alcohol-induced foolishness.

That’s too bad because rednecks really know how to have a good time without help from Jim Beam and the rest of the Inebriation Clan. But enlightened rednecks like me — I’ve lived 42 years on this planet without once drinking for business or pleasure — don’t get to share in those good times because they aren’t family-friendly venues.