A Florida lawyer who may have been fishing for an innovative excuse to appeal if he loses his case asked a judge to force the opposing lawyer to wear nicer shoes in court.

The explanation: The rival’s “homely old hush puppies gave him an unfair advantage by projecting an air of unsophisticated honesty to the jury.” Translation: Jurors love enlightened rednecks, and I’m not one, so make the other guy stop dressing like one.

The holier-shoes-than-thou lawyer scoffed at the notion that he wins cases because of his footwear, which presumably means he doesn’t wear them in a vain attempt to earn sympathy from jurors. But so what if he does?

Lawyers studiously pick the wardrobes of their clients all the time to present a chosen image to jurors. If hush puppies on a lawyer do the trick, that’s fair.

The judge thankfully dismissed the motion. Even better, the uproar convinced the offending lawyer that it’s not time to retire his shoes after all.