I wrote this satire for my anti-tax blog a year ago. It’s worth reprinting on this blog now in light of the brewing anger over the tax-and-spend mentality that has taken root in Washington.

In the beginning the Founding Fathers declared their independence and created the Constitution. Now the government was small and servile, emptiness was over the coffers of the deep, and the spirit of liberty was hovering over the United States of America.

And Uncle Sam said, “Let there be tariffs,” and there were tariffs. Uncle Sam saw that the revenue was good for Him, and He separated the people from their money. He called the people stooges, and He called the money, “Mine, all Mine.”

And there were tariffs and more tariffs — the first fruits of taxation with representation.

And Uncle Sam said, “Let there be an expanse between the people and their government.” So Uncle Sam made the expanse and separated the people under the expanse from the government above it. And it was so. Uncle Sam called the expanse “IRS.”

And there were taxes and more taxes — the second fruits of taxation with representation.

And Uncle Sam said, “Let the money of the people be gathered to one place, and let roads and bridges to nowhere appear.” And it was so.

Uncle Sam called the roads and bridges “earmarks,” and the gathered money He called “The Treasury.” And Uncle Sam saw that it was good for Him.

Then Uncle Sam said, “Let the Congress produce wasteful spending and taxes: farm subsidies and other self-serving handouts to the people and entitlement programs for all; and taxes on workers and businessmen that bear revenue with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so.

The Congress produced mischief: bills bearing spending according to their kinds and a baffling tax code bearing money with seed in it according to its kind. And Uncle Sam saw that it was good for Him.

And there were taxes and more taxes — the third fruits of taxation with representation.

And Uncle Sam said, “Let there be departments in the expanse of government to separate the people from their money, and let them serve as venues to deliver the pork and the subsidies and the entitlements, and let them be bureaucracies in the expanse of the government to enlarge My power.” And it was so.

Uncle Sam made many great departments to govern every imaginable part of life. He also made the agencies and the bureaus and the commissions and the offices. Uncle Sam set them in the expanse of the government to regulate the people, to take their property, and to separate them from their money. And Uncle Sam saw that it was good for Him.

And there were taxes and more taxes — the fourth fruits of taxation with representation.

And Uncle Sam said, “Let the government teem with incompetent and meddling and corrupt bureaucrats, and let taxes spread from state to state across America.”

So Uncle Sam created the Great Bureaucrats of America and every taxing-and-spending politician with which the nation teems, according to their kinds, and every waste, fraud and abuse according to its kind. And Uncle Sam saw that it was good for Him.

Uncle Sam blessed the bureaucrats and the politicians and said, “Be fruitful and increase the spending and fill The Treasury with taxes, and let the burdens increase on the people.”

And there were taxes and more taxes — the fifth fruits of taxation with representation.

And Uncle Sam said, “Let Congress produce more entitlement projects according to their kinds; Medicare prescription benefits and children’s health insurance that grows rapidly in every state, and a larger education bureaucracy, each according to giant, tax-guzzling programs of the past.” And it was so.

Uncle Sam expanded the education bureaucracy according to its kind, the prescription benefits according to their kinds, and all the children’s health insurance that multiplies in every state according to their kinds. And Uncle Sam saw that it was good for Him.

Then Uncle Sam said, “Let Me make Americans gullible, to satisfy My every whim, and let them pay taxes on their income and their corporations, their profits, their savings, their retirement, and even their death.”

So Uncle Sam made Americans gullible; to satisfy His every whim He manipulated them; selfish and clueless He made them.

Uncle Sam taxed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply your income so I can tax it even more; fill The Treasury so I can spend your money. Satisfy every whim of the Great Bureaucracy you empowered Me to create and suffer as I lord it over you.”

Then Uncle Sam said, “I give you every department you ever wanted from sea to shining sea and every entitlement program that has taxes with seed in it. They are yours because you deserve them.

“And to all the departments and agencies and bureaus and commissions and offices that spread across the land — every bureaucracy that has the breath of life in it — I give the power to tax and regulate you.” And it was so.

Uncle Sam saw all that He had done to corrupt the vision of the Founding Fathers, and it was very good for Him.

And there were taxes and more taxes — the sixth fruits of taxation with representation.

Thus the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were undermined in all their vast wisdom.

By the time the seventh fruits of taxation with representation were ripe, Uncle Sam had finished the distortions of American liberty that He had undertaken; but rather than rest, He plotted to further expand His empire and further dupe the people with tax rebates to “stimulate” the economy.

And Uncle Sam rejoiced in the seventh fruits because He knew that all the work of taxing the people and spending their money had only just begun.

This tax tale is dedicated to the memory of Grandpa Tumblebug, whose distrust of the government was unrivaled during his 79 years. Read or listen to his heart-warming ballad, “Ode To The EPA.”