Beard Flattery Will Get You Everywhere
Posted on 08.16.16 by Danny Glover @ 7:31 pm

A salesman for an exterminator company visited our home yesterday. He complimented my beard. I bought an annual contract.

The events did not happen in that order — the compliment actually came after I signed the contract, which was a given because we have an ant problem — but they could have. The way to a redneck’s wallet is through flattery of his beard.


Filed under: Culture and Family and Just For Laughs and Rednecks
Comments: None

The Pokemon Path To Peace In America
Posted on 07.10.16 by Danny Glover @ 12:30 pm

This morning I saw a story on Facebook about Pokemon Go, the latest mobile gaming craze. It goes like this:

  • A 40-year-old white guy can’t sleep, so he heads to a nearby park at 3 a.m. to hunt Pokemon.
  • Two 20-something black guys see him, recognize what he’s up to and give him tips on where to look because they’ve been on the prowl for Pokemon.
  • They chat for a while, and the white guy agrees to join their red team in Pokemon Go.
  • Someone sees the three men talking in a park in the middle of the night, thinks it’s a drug deal and calls the cops.
  • A policeman shows up to investigate and ends up downloading the game and getting tips on how to play.

I like this version of America better than the one in the news last week. Plus I hear hunting Pokemon is good exercise. I may have to download Pokemon Go and give it a try — if I can manage to log into the game.


Filed under: Culture and Entertainment and Human Interest
Comments: None

Redneck Exception To The ‘Christian Sabbath’
Posted on 07.05.16 by Danny Glover @ 5:45 pm

If you’ve never heard of Nathaniel Bettes, read this story about his contributions to the cause of American Revolution. He was a true patriot.

But my favorite anecdote from his life has nothing to do with the sacrifices he made for liberty. Instead, I liked the answer he gave the deacons of his church when they scolded him for hunting on a Sunday, a violation of what many Americans consider the “Christian Sabbath.”

This was Bettes’ defense:

Brethren, I started for the meeting on Sunday morning and had gone but a short distance when I saw a nice, fat buck standing right in my pathway,” he told the board. “Being rather short of provisions, I asked the Lord if I might shoot that deer, and the Lord said ‘yes.’ So I went back to the house, got my Revolutionary rifle, killed the deer, took it home and dressed it, and then continued on to the meeting.

Surely that is somewhere in the Bible.


Filed under: History and Hunting & Guns and Rednecks and Religion
Comments: None

West Virginia History 101 For Journalists
Posted on 07.02.16 by Danny Glover @ 4:24 pm

The ignorance of the media when it comes to West Virginia never ceases to amaze those of us who are from the Mountain State. We’re impressed when journalists, especially those who cover sports, even know that West Virginia and Virginia are separate states or that Charleston is the name of our state capital, not just a coastal city in South Carolina.

This week, two members of the media (broadly speaking to include Hollywood) displayed their ignorance of West Virginia’s history on the same day, both of them in reference to the state’s birth during the Civil War. The culprits were:

  • Philip Bump, a political blogger for The Washington Post, who referenced West Virginia’s secession from Virginia within the context of a discussion about Britain’s vote to leave the European Union;
  • And Gary Ross, director of the new movie “Free State of Jones,” who isn’t a journalist but who made his faux pas in a video for The Huffington Post about myths of the Civil War.

With their commentaries in mind, now is a good time to revisit one of the most interesting statehood stories in American history. Consider this the CliffsNotes version of West Virginia history for the dummies in the media and entertainment complex.

In fairness to Bump, he was technically correct when he said “Congress consented to the creation of West Virginia as a new American state,” but he left out important context. The Congress that consented included a reconstituted Virginia delegation with a pro-West Virginia slant. The Virginia that existed before the Civil War joined the Confederacy and had no votes in Congress. Neither did any of the Southern states that presumably would have voted against West Virginia statehood.

The war, in other words, created a political and constitutional mess that tilted the balance of power in favor of West Virginia statehood.

Although ardent abolitionist Thaddeus Stevens, R-Pa., voted to create West Virginia, he thought it was “a mockery” to say that splitting Virginia was constitutional. President Abraham Lincoln also had doubts. He thought the idea was “dreaded as a precedent” but also “made expedient by a war.” His answer to charges that the Union in effect endorsed secession in one case while going to war over it in another: In West Virginia’s case, it was “secession in favor of the Constitution.”

I understand why Bump didn’t include all of that information. His story was about the potential legality of secession in America today, and West Virginia’s path to statehood was only one aspect of that topic. But his shorthand account of the events could mislead people into thinking West Virginia’s secession from Virginia wasn’t controversial. It was. The Supreme Court didn’t settle the issue until a 6-3 ruling in 1870.

Ross’ gaffe was more egregious than Bump’s. In trying to dispel one myth that “the South was monolithic” during the Civil War, he repeated another one — that “the State of West Virginia broke off from the State of Virginia because they were not in agreement with the goals of the Confederacy.”

That simplistic analysis is similar to arguing that the Civil War was about states’ rights instead of slavery, one of the myths that Ross tackled. Southern rebellion was more of an expediency for western Virginians to accomplish a goal they had long desired than it was a rejection of the Confederacy.

This is evident in the number of West Virginians who fought for the Confederacy — 18,000 of them compared with 32,000 for the Union. The one thing that even those who are ignorant of West Virginia associate with the state is the Hatfield-McCoy feud. What many of them don’t know, or have forgotten, is that the feud has its roots in the Civil War and that “Devil Anse” Hatfield of West Virginia fought for the Confederacy.

The division of the country over slavery in general, and Virginia’s decision to side with the South in particular, just created an atmosphere for a rebellion within the rebellion. West Virginians always were and always will be different from Virginians, and the war gave our ancestors the political clout they needed to create a geographical split that had existed along economical, ancestral and cultural lines for generations. Ross’ myth-busting video for The Huffington Post distorted that reality.

The mistakes that Bump and Ross made weren’t as superficial as getting the name of West Virginia wrong or forgetting about its capital city. But coming as they did only seven days after West Virginia Day, they were worth noting.

Maybe in the future journalists who care enough to research West Virginia history before they write or talk about it will find this blog post and get some much-needed education.


Filed under: Blogging and History and Media and People and West Virginia
Comments: 1 Comment

Katie Lee’s Perverted Pepperoni Rolls
Posted on 07.02.16 by Danny Glover @ 12:07 pm

I was excited this week when Matt Lauer headed to “The Today Show” kitchen for a segment with food critic Katie Lee on West Virginia’s state food, the pepperoni roll. The Mountain State rarely gets good press on a national scale, so a plug on a popular morning show couldn’t be a bad thing, right?

Then I watched in horror as Lee, a native of Milton, W.Va., proved that she is more foodie than hillbilly. She perverted the perfect simplicity of the pepperoni roll — homemade dough, slices or chunks of pepperoni, cheese and sometimes a little sauce — with a recipe that includes broccoli. Yes, broccoli!

To make culinary matters worse, Lee didn’t even craft her concoction into the form of actual rolls. She fashioned something that looked more like a stromboli, cut it into “12 even rounds” and then cooked them in a casserole dish. She served the meal with banana peppers and marinara sauce on the side.

News flash to Billy Joel’s ex-wife: That is not how you make pepperoni rolls! You’ve been living in the big city too long.

I’m not an anti-broccolite like George H.W. Bush, who famously banned them from the White House menu during his presidency. I might even like the recipe that Katie Lee invented. But she needs to pick a better name for it than pepperoni rolls.

The history behind the redneck delicacy exposes the flaws in Lee’s recipe. The inventor of the pepperoni roll, Giuseppe (Joseph) Argiro, got the idea from watching his fellow coal miners on their lunch breaks.

“A common lunch for immigrant miners, according to Giuseppe’s younger son, Frank Argiro, consisted of ‘a slab of bread, a chunk of pepperoni, and a bucket of water.’ At some point between 1927 and 1938 — nobody seems to know exactly when — Giuseppe began placing the spicy pepperoni within the bread, and the pepperoni roll was born.”

The food came into existence because miners needed something that was meaty enough to get them through the day and practical enough to take into a mine. Lee’s version is not the least bit practical.

The State of West Virginia may need to create the mountaineer equivalent of a “man card” for expatriates like Lee just so the card can be revoked for egregious behavior like this:


Filed under: Entertainment and Food and People and Video and West Virginia
Comments: None

The Congressional Martian Caucus
Posted on 03.19.16 by Danny Glover @ 10:41 am

Last week a man named Kyle Odom sent to the media a manifesto that accused several members of Congress of being “noteworthy Martians.” Until then, Americans might have assumed that all members of Congress were from outer space.

Now we know there are just a few dozen members of the Congressional Martian Caucus. Here’s a helpful photo guide (and an alphabetical list) to spot them when you’re on Capitol Hill:


Filed under: Government and Just For Laughs and News & Politics and People
Comments: 1 Comment

Thomas Edison Invented Cat Videos
Posted on 03.06.16 by Danny Glover @ 8:59 am

Thomas Edison invented cat videos long before the Internet. In the nasty spirit of this year’s Republican presidential primary, his boxing cats should be named King Trump and Little Marco.


Filed under: Just For Laughs and News & Politics and Video
Comments: 1 Comment

Lady Gaga’s Mom Was A WVU Cheerleader
Posted on 02.09.16 by Danny Glover @ 7:41 pm

I knew Lady Gaga had some West Virginia roots — she even gave the state a plug in her song “Born This Way” — but until today I didn’t know her Mom was a West Virginia University cheerleader.

That bit of history popped into my Facebook feed yesterday in the form of a picture of Mother Gaga in WVU cheerleading garb, and Lady Gaga herself confirmed it today by sharing the photo on Instagram. The family resemblance is obvious.


Mommy captain cheerleader at a football game for WVU years ago, so cool to see this floating around Facebook. ❤️🌭 by @ladygaga


Filed under: Music and People and Social Media and Technology and West Virginia
Comments: 1 Comment

The Donald J. Trump Book Of Insults
Posted on 02.06.16 by Danny Glover @ 10:22 am

Jeb Bush delivered a stern message to Donald Trump at the Republican presidential debate last December: “You’re not going to be able to insult your way to the presidency. That’s not going to happen.” Bush was so certain of the claim that he repeated it later in the debate.

A few weeks later, Sen. Ted Cruz questioned Trump’s demeanor for the presidency after Trump aimed a series of Twitter barbs at Cruz. “I think in terms of a commander-in-chief,” Cruz said, “we ought to have someone who isn’t springing out of bed to tweet in a frantic response to the latest polls.”

But if the results of this week’s Iowa caucuses are any indication, both Bush and Cruz may be wrong. Even though he finished second to Cruz, Trump won 24 percent of the vote in the first balloting of the 2016 campaign. It sure looks like plenty of Americans are comfortable with the idea of a president who throws rhetorical sticks and stones.

Instead of being “the worst thing that ever happened in Donald Trump’s life,” Twitter may be his ticket to the White House. It’s the perfect platform for calling out all of the “stupidity” he sees in America, whether real or imagined.

Trump’s love of all words denigrating is well-documented and predates his presidential campaign. He has been ranting online for years.

But Trump really came into his own boorish self once he launched his bid to become the leader of the free world. The insults have been flowing freely since then — so much so that both The New York Times and The Washington Post have compiled lists of all the people, companies and entire professions he has trashed.

It’s quite a Twitter stream Trump has going there — if you’re into gawking at gruesome highway wrecks, that is,” technology activist Lauren Weinstein wrote in a blog post suggesting that Twitter should ban Trump. “Onslaughts against individuals. Similar attacks against organizations, even against entire races. White supremacist propaganda. On and on and on. Try retrospectively reading Donald’s tweets without feeling the need to vomit — virtually impossible if you’re a socialized human being and not someone raised by hyenas.”

Trump’s crudest attacks trigger feeding frenzies in the press, making his enemies giddy with anticipation of falling poll numbers that never come.

But his rudeness has become so routine that most people don’t even pay attention — and when they do it’s often to celebrate Trump’s willful intolerance of the tolerance police or his willingness to get in the faces of journalists. A large swath of the electorate seems eager to follow any leader with the guts to be politically incorrect, and he is a master at promoting that persona, especially online.

“The relationship between Trump and Twitter is the perfect marriage of man and medium,” The Daily Beast concluded. “His terse insults are perfectly suited to the 140-character form and his controversy-a-day campaign feeds off of Twitter’s short attention span.” CNN media reporter Brian Stelter recognized Trump’s Twitter mastery, too: “I can’t help but wonder if his Twitter account is more effective at this point than a TV ad.”

Trump has been so good at being bad that, win or lose the presidency, he deserves a book to memorialize his infamous nastiness – one that mean-spirited people can turn to for offensive inspiration. I’ve published that book, including dozens of embedded Trump insults, at Storify.


Filed under: Culture and Media and News & Politics and People and Social Media and Technology
Comments: None

I’m A Registered Drone Pilot
Posted on 01.14.16 by Danny Glover @ 8:23 pm

As of today, I’m officially a registered drone owner! That means I’ve agreed to fly by these rules:

These rules already existed, and they are reasonable precautions to ensure safe skies. I’m not sure what the big deal is, so I readily registered before Jan. 21 to get a credit for the $5 fee.

(Full disclosure: I’m a writer at the FAA, but I’m speaking only for me.)


Filed under: Aviation and Government and Technology
Comments: 1 Comment

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